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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

babies aren't babies.

sophie is going to turn four soon.
do you know how i know she's not really a baby anymore?

her morning breath is putrid. 
nothing is cute about it.
and i actually turn my head when she lays in my lap.

that's so sad.
it was kind of like puppy breath.
even when it was bad, it was babylike.

not no mo'! 

my baby isn't a baby anymore. 
so sad.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

if you love me.

I know I’m not alone in thinking how bad Lean Cuisines taste in comparison to, oh, let’s say, a nice juicy burger… or a steak and cheese.   But for a minute, I’d like to think you are sitting there “poor me-ing” me.  I kind of need that type of attention today.  Because I truly hate this food.  There are a couple of meals that aren’t quite so bad, but let me tell you…… I don’t have any of them left to choose from here at work.  {and the guys are bugging me NOT to bring in more meals and take up more space  in the freezer until I eat what’s there – geez, do they have to be such men?}

I splurged this weekend… and then felt gross.  A burger and a half {between lunch and dinner} on Saturday… and two slices of pizza on Sunday.  Ugh.  They made me feel so…. Large.  And full.  And puffy.  But happy at the same time.  In a fat way.

While these lean cuisines don’t make me full and puffy… they don’t make happy.  They make me resentful.  And a bit angry, if I can be honest.   

It seems everyone in my world is on Nutrisystem right now… with decent results considering there isn’t much working out going on.  I’m so tempted to jump over, but have you seen how that stuff comes?  In little “Cup-O-Noodles” containers… simply add water.  Not all of them, but some of them, and… well… that scares me.

But I digress, lest I become a bitter angry lady this afternoon.  Because frankly, none of my coworkers deserve that.  

Easter is Sunday.  And boy… am I planning on stuffing my face full of Easterly goodness.  With that in mind, I think I can continue to make it through the week on these crappy meals.  I don’t need to feel guilty about Sunday on Monday.   Focus on the sunshine.  I can do this.  I mean, if my son could give up video games during tackle football season, I certainly can give up tasty meals for bathing suit season.  

….or caaaaaaaaan iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…

Hold me to it.  Please.  If you love me.

Monday, March 29, 2010


i need to submit an official caveat to my poison ivy story...

"i didn't even get it in a fun way." 

{so boring, i know}

A la Pants on the Ground…

Ivy on my butt.  Ivy on my butt.  Feeling like a fool with this ivy on my butt. 

Scratch.  Itch.  SCRATCH. 

Someone actually told me today that i should scootch my butt across the carpet like a dog.

{half brilliant, half horribly disturbing}

Still have ivy on my butt -- spread to my back.  Little bit on my arm.  None of it enough to make me take a curling iron to it.   But man, it is itchy!  Itchy enough that I would bring it up at work to ask for suggestions.  And disclose my most secret location of itchiness.

But in other news, Tyler over at Blue Lily is back and finished his 5th installment of his hop hopera.  What will I do with my life when he's done with it?  *siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*  Tyler, you can never ever go away again mid-hopera.  It is forbidden.

I plan on shedding a single tear tomorrow.  In memoriam of what existed as their courtship.  I mean, who doesn't love hearing amazingly awkward love stories?   I know I sure do. 

I also laugh at other people's misfortunes.  Sometimes.  I mean, only if I know them.  And then I always try to help them when I'm done.  Sue me. 

Friday, March 26, 2010


as many people of asian decent say with an accent... 


guess who has poison ivy on her tookus....

oh yes.
that's right.
i do.
and my tookus.
we itch.

the hubby has it all over his neck and arms and legs.  so guess how i must have got it?

hope that great tree that is currently ivy-less is HAPPY... because my rear is not.  

one less tree to be swallowed by ivy on the USNA golf course, one additional member of my family that now has poison ivy because of it.  and i didn't even climb the tree.  f you tree.  do you even realize how horrible it is to have an itchy butt?  of course you don't.  but now you know what life is like without ivy wrapped around your trunk.  call me crazy, but i don't think we're even.

Failure. Part deux.

Last night I was sure we would not fail my sweet Emma again.

No way, no how. She was too precious to let it happen again.

That little bean went to bed by 8pm. Almost on the dot.

Sophie of course, did not.

Tears. Screams. Lots of snot.

Threw us off our game.

I woke up this morning to Emma saying, “Mommy, I haven’t looked under my pillow yet because I am afraid I might have squashed the tooth fairy and she might just be laying there.”

First, *phew* because I wasn’t sure if Chris had swooped into action last night.

Second, *gasp* because I knew I hadn’t swooped into action last night.

“Emma, why don’t you lay in my bed and watch some t.v. until Sophie wakes up. You wouldn’t want to wake her up with any screams of joy {or disappointment}.”

“Good idea mommy.”

*Cue me sprinting out to the kitchen to find out of Chris worked some magic last night*

*Cue my sweet Emma also sprinting out to the kitchen to find out what I had to talk to her daddy about*


Me: {with one eye heavily squinted and speaking out of one side of my mouth} “Um, Chris, Emma here is afraid to look under her pillow. *cough cough*… do you think she should look under her pillow *cough cough* or um *harder eye squint*… do you think she should wait until Sophie wakes up?”

Chris: {also squinting} “Um, Emma why don’t you go watch some tv and wait for Sophie to wake up?”

Emma: “Ok, Daddy. That’s a good idea.”

Damn. Failure part deux.

So off to my bed she goes, only, she sees Sophie awake in the hall now.

{EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEk could this seriously get any worse?}

I insist she give it a minute. What could it hurt, especially if she thought the tooth fairy was dead under her pillow.

And then she says, “Why is Daddy running into my room like that?”

Me: {sweating} “I think he’s getting your clothes out for the day. We’re running late, you know.”

Emma: “Then why am I still in bed?”

Damnit jim.

Me: “Chrrrrrrriiiiiiisssss? We good?”

Chris: “Yes”

At this point I suggested to Emma that she was right and we really needed to get her dressed and ready for the day. Off to her room we went. God love her she was completely unsuspicious. But she WAS afraid of finding a dead fairy.

Instead she found silver coins.

And I finally found peace.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


yesterday my sweet little emma tore her tooth out on purpose. that sucker had at LEAST another week to go. but when she wants something, she works hard to get it. even when that means shedding blood all day at school. because that girl, let me tell you........ she worked hard on that tooth all DAY yesterday.

and even harder than she worked on removing it, she worked on the perfect placement of it under her pillow.

see, unfortunately, sweet emma shares a room with crazed out sophie. sophie doesn't like going to bed easily.

girl wears. you. out.

so imagine being in bed this morning, having hit the snooze button twice already, and hearing your six year old scream......


freaking schnikes.

tooth fairy failure.  in the zone.  SLAMDUNK.

this isn't the first time the tooth fairy has flaked out in this house, thank G.  but it didn't mean my stomach didn't drop through my feet, because it most certainly did.

chris swooped in quickly with... "UH OH!  Must have gone to bed too late last night.  We'll have to try again tonight."

and then she came to me.

disappointed.  head hung low.  with a confession.

"Mommy, I'm not going to lie.  I kept waking up all night to check on the tooth."


"Well, Emma, that probably explains it.  She doesn't want to be seen so you probably scared her away."


"Oh MAN.  I messed up big time."

*cue mommy feeling even worse for putting any guilt onto my SIX YEAR OLD in hopes of relieving her OWN guilt!*

i felt pretty sucky today. 

how could i do that to a girl who will gladly let a one year old slather her face with birthday cake just to give the baby a laugh?!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

name droppin.

i see a lot of names come across my screen every day.
and not just from my awesome selection of celebrity gossip websites.
we've had a "Mr. Lube"...
a "Mr. Sheidt"...
a "Mr. Young Sir"...

however, today..... wow..... today i signed up a student with the first name.... wait for it.... 
{you really aren't going to believe this...}
{{mainly because i don't work in a strip club....}}
her name was...


which reminds me of the time
my sister was a the doctor's office...
the nurse came out asking for a Miss "Fe-mall-ee?"
and the girl stepped up and said,
"It's just FEMALE."


we're good.

you know how i know sophie is really ok besides the doctor telling me so?
two reasons.

one: she told her father he was a'noxious.
two: she told me my breath smelled horrible.

the girl ain't got a care in the world.

she fine.
splotchy, but fine.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


something is happening to my baby!  
{i'm quasi-freaking out.}
she has these mysterious spots popping up on her body.
some of them are partly raised.
some are itchy.
some are big.
some are small.
some are round.
some are not round.
some are making me freak out!

these are the front of her legs.  within 35 minutes we went from spot-free fronts of her legs to what you see above.

if you look closely at her left leg, you can see a couple of large discolored spots.  these were the second sets of dots we found on her.

you can see a spot on her right arm here ... it started everything.
and now she has some spots on her cheeks.

i called my brother and he mentioned a possibility that it's erythema multiforme.  however, he is diagnosing over the phone based on me answering some questions, so in no way does this serve as an actual diagnosis.  

it was enough to calm me down enough to NOT rush to the e.r. tonight.  daddy will have to take her into the pediatrician's office in the morning.  as she lies here in my bed tonight, i can almost watch these spots grow.  here are some additional pics that i took...

there's a spot right under her left jawline.

this is where it all started.
if you enlarge the picture you can see where it's
not a normal spot - more like a large "C".


here are pictures of my poor sweetie's elbows.  both are red and also appear to have slight bruising.  WTH?

hopefully we'll get some resolution tomorrow.  

the question now is, to have her sleep in bed with us.... or not.  because the girl likes to dropkick me in the face everytime she's in here.  but at least i can make sure she's breathing.

sidenote:  it's funny.  you have your third kid and you think you've seen it all.  been there, done that.  yadda yadda yadda.  this was the first time in a looooooooooooooong time i called someone for a 2nd motherly opinion of what to do -- i felt like a new mother!  just... unfortunately... it did not entail me holding a newborn baby boy.  dag!

the king and i need help!

one of cJane's friends over at The King and I is writing a thesis.  On blogging.


suvey here.

in any case, if you're a blogger, please take the time to help a sistah out.

my only hope is that she releases the results...

because I find this all friggin fascinating!

and then I hope she gives the king that baby he is hoping for.
but no pressure.

p.s. Miss Whitney is offering a $100 giftcard to Target,
should you complete the survey and win the drawing...

Monday, March 22, 2010

annapolis. *sigh*

My sweeties. Lookin fly in Annapolis.
Right after this picture E spotted a seagull doin’ it’s business right overhead.
Thank heavens the poop landed on his arm.
Because his mouth was awfully big as he was screaming…
“POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!” while looking up.

Look at precious Emma. Here she stands next to two larger-type dogs.
Bearded collies.
Coco and Kingsley.
Apparently they are very good at competing.
They are also very good at being nice to children.
Emma did a great job at petting them.
And that’s a huge deal.
Sobooyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Mr. Fear of Dogs!!

Annapolis is a big boating town.
Home of the United States Naval Academy.
{it’s kind of a big deal in this house}
This cute little red sailboat spoke to me.
{errrrrrrrrrrrrica…. Come out to sea with meeeeeeeeeeee….}
Unfortunately, I couldn’t take it up on its offer…
I had a much bigger deal to go to this day.

This was the home to my little brother for four years.
It kind of signifies when my life really took shape.
My adult life.
Not from hanging out there.
But more because it often involved me driving to pick Cliffy up on a Friday before I could start my weekend with my beau.
And I was so happy to do so.
I love my brother.

The top of the chapel sticking out through a tree. I love that place.

Ethan and Nick {aka Stickboy}
On the USNA golf course killin’ time while waiting for Mia to skate.

This was a tough day for Sophie. She was sick, didn’t sleep the night before, and barely took a nap in the car. She also had to endure an hour of parking-space-finding that afternoon.
That is never fun.

Sweet Emma… looks so good in blue.
She is getting so big.
And so much like her cousin, Mia.
I just wish she’d be un-shy like Mia, too.
This little bug won’t play any sports for fear of …
PEOPLE LOOKING AT HER. It makes me sad.

Wait until she realizes people always stare at her.
That’s what people do to adorably angelic little faces.

Inside the rink.
Wait … er… MIAAAAAAA!

Mia warming up. Sophie watching every move.

This girl was doing dance moves like it was her j-o-b.

Here she is doing what she does ohhhh sooooo welllllll.
She sure is a sight to behold and let me tell you…
I usually cry.
But, this day goes in the record books because it was the first time I didn’t shed a single tear.
I had so much fun with her new routine all I could do was SMILE!!!

Anxiously waiting for the results.
Although, we all knew who we THOUGHT should win…



Auntie Erica

Thursday, March 18, 2010



Part of my rehabilitative therapy over the week (self-induced) was sitting out on the deck breathing in the 65 degree weather with my three year old.  dag.  she's cute.  we blew bubbles.  she blew bubbles, rather.  i didn't have the strength to breath out hard enough.

it was so nice outside, however, my nose recognized that old, familiar, little killer-ingredient in the air that quickly wreaks havoc on my family twice a year for two months at a time.  


damn killer of healthy springs and falls.

so tonight i started our spring and fall nightly rituals.


God love you.

scary hair.

so i did it.  i dragged my sick, weak, pathetic body into work for three looooong hours today.i probably could have stuck around longer, but all those men screaming, hooting, hollering across all the quads of cubes made me feel like i was in the middle of a daycare center today.  my head hurt.

{peace out work}

let me just mention how many of those guys insisted on coming up to me to tell me how pale, sick, and tired i looked.

DO YOU SEE THIS?!  this took FOREVER for me to accomplish this morning, and granted, it isn't the hottest looking piece of face you've ever seen but let me tell you... this took me five times as long to accomplish today as it would on a normal day. and it's not even as good as i usually make it.  GIVE ME SOME STINKING CREDIT FOR COMING INTO WORK!  Didn't your mother teach you any manners!

{perhaps i should have shown them yesterday's self-portrait}

{or perhaps NOT}

so my gracious hubby was the maestro of transportation today and picked me up from daycare at noon. he took me for a quick bite to eat before safely returning me home.

and now i'm back in bed.  only, i just got up to go to the bathroom and noticed a very SCARY HAIR sticking out of my nose.

what the hell?  did hubby not see that?  because it was shockingly obvious.  the only good thing is that i know if anyone at work saw it, they would have told me.  {that brutal honesty thing).

between that scary hair, my man cough, and man gas, i'm a real catch these days.  how can i make lemonade of THIS?????????

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

sick old lady body.

it's one thing to just have old lady body.

it's another thing to have sick old lady body.

i am sick of sick old lady body.

this is the weirdest flu-type-virus that i have ever had.
Days 1 and 2:
fever.  severe muscle aches.  joint pain. fever.
but i could eat normally.
day 3:
i am fever free.
muscle aches are pretty much gone.
joint pain gone.
but i'm sick to my stomach.
i can't taste my food.
nasty cough.
my ears hurt.
blah blah blah.
and now i'm down 3 days of vacation at work.
oh, and i haven't lost a single pound of weight.
it is often the only ray of sunshine that comes from being sick, and i didn't get one little ounce of it.

Monday, March 15, 2010

stonewall. buttcrack.

we took advantage of the wonderful weather last weekend.
well, two weekends ago.
we went to one of the area battlefields with some of my in-laws.
of course, this was already partially blogged about.
but here are the pictures
above is mia.  
darling nursemaid mia.

they reenacted their own civil war.
the girls, of course, took care of the wounded soldiers.
it was all very cute and i especially liked the fact that the big kids taught my kids how to use their imaginations like this.

here comes trouble.
mrs. sassy herself was not exactly happy nor patient that day.

but of course, every time we came upon one of these "bridges"...
she was happy as a clam.
why couldn't the entire trail be like a bridge?

sassafrass jumping the fence.

no bridges here.
just crack.

keeping busy.

this is a short depiction of the artwork i put together for my sister.
she has a dark chocolate wall that she needed something for.
i went metallic.
this bronze was AMAZING.
so glad i took that risk - it paid off, for sure.

i did a weaved brushstroke.
i have no idea if that is a truly technical term.
but it works for my purposes.
i would love to do this in the future with more weaving.

i have done two zinnia prints so far {this was the 2nd}.
the first was on a large canvas, with the standard white background and brighter color scheme {for me}.
my sister's had to go with her brown/blue decor.  
and for some reason, i felt the need to personalize this for them.

two days.  about 10 hours of work.  that's it.

the end product.
i can't wait to see it on her wall.
should she ever decide to actually hang it.
maybe she'd be so kind as to send me a picture.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

old lady body.

turning thirty was nothing.  noth-thing.  

in other words... not a thing.

turning thirty-one last summer has... well, it changed my life.

i have old lady body.
the body where 8pm feels like midnight.
7am feels like noon.
getting out of bed is not one fluid movement. 

{and my hips hurt every time.}

sleeping makes my knees hurt.  MY KNEES HURT.
what the hell is that about?
and to top it all off...
don't freak out.
really, don't hold this against me...
let's agree to never tell a soul... {or talk about it in person}...

i have this little problem.  and it's inexplicable.  three little letters.  g-a-s.  i have gas.  those stupid beano commercials that i made fun of years ago, well, they are my reality.

you know you have old lady body when you youtube beano commercials to, you know... find out the facts.

again... what the hell is this about?

my boobs don't sag. {yet}
my back is still without a hump. {for now}
my ears still work. {mostly}
i don't have to have my newspaper an arm's length away. {just half}

it could be worse.
but it's only a matter of time.
the writing is on the wall. 
that stinking gas {wow, no pun intended, but that was kind of awesome} sealed my fate.
painfully so.  that jank is no fun.  or attractive.  

whatchoo gonna do, though?
say it with me...

p.s. i would normally never consider writing about something like this, however, one of the things i remember most about growing up was my mother's denial that she ever passed gas.  humans have gas.  if you don't pass it, you kind of explode.  ask my brother-in-law that gave up farting for lent.  it's not working out so well for him.  you kind of have to be able to pass that stuff frequently throughout the day.  and you CERTAINLY can't control what you do when you fall asleep at night.  because it's a necessity.  and your body knows it.  thus, it is ok to talk about it. 

Friday, March 12, 2010

meltdown madness

we went out for dinner tonight.
just the five of us.
we've been home for an hour.
fifty-nine minutes of which have been nothing but...
meltdown madness.

"i'mmmmmmmmm hungraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

then have some grapes.

"i don't WANT grapes. I just need a cookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

you don't need junk.

"but i'm hungraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay and you won't feed me."

you are just tired.  you had a busy day and you're ready for bed.

*cue screechy voice, in the highest pitch ever*


*cue emma's signature moooooooooooooans for what seems like one quarter of a million long and painful minutes while all you want to do is jab something sharp into your ears* 

rewind 21 years ago.  i remember being 10 and going to a friend's house and getting in trouble.  i mean... we both got in trouble.  of course, as a guest, i didn't really get yelled at.  but i guess she didn't either.  

she kind of got cattle prodded.  
{that jank worked.} 

it sceered the bejeezus out of both of us and neither of us continued doing whatever it was that we were doing.  it worked.  what the heck is the 2010 version that won't get me sent to jail?  something tells me that both the girls could both use a nice little zinger to snap them out of things sometimes.  

too bad i don't have a dairy farm.  

of course i would never prod my children.  they aren't cattle.  duh.  but they do follow me around this house like a pack of wolves... so how do you stun those suckers? 

Thursday, March 11, 2010

flutter. flutter. flutter.

i miss some things about my old life.
that's not strange or ungrateful.
so don't even try to convince me of that.
i think it's completely normal to miss aspects of LBK.  life before kids.

you know how music can totally stop and make you think?  or make you feel a certain way?  sitting in the car on the way home tonight i got to missing those butterflies.  for some reason the song i was listening to made me feel those butterflies.

you know.  the butterflies.  the ones that float around your belly before your date gets to your house.  the ones that feed your body like an adrenaline rush?  i miss wondering when my date is going to show up at the door.  

{five minutes from now would be on time, so i'm just going to...... 
look through this magazine until then.}

and then you read but you don't remember a single word of what you read.  because ... you have butterflies. 

or the smell of his cologne?  how the smell of his cologne wafted towards you as you opened the door to welcome him ... and then hits you hard and triggers another adrenaline rush?

{oh you're late?  i hadn't noticed.}

i miss that amazing smell of his cologne.  unfortunately for me, i married a man that thinks a t-shirt with nothing on it is dressing up {because it's not nearly as awesome as his "Sprite Remix" one... God forbid your shirt not have holes in it, or sleeves for that matter.  or make you look like an adult}  so cologne?  that's about a twice a year deal.  but i clearly remember hugging him hello and worrying about my knees giving way.  he smelled so gooooooooood.

so so so goooooood.

the cologne he wore the first night we met is the same one that sits in our cabinet as we speak. i love{d} it, however, it is literally the same bottle of cologne that he used ten years ago.  only now, it smells like pure rubbing alcohol.  not so pleasant.  stings the nostrils a bit...


butterflies.  they are soooooo good for you and i miss them.  a lot.  enough that my body is looking for any opportunity to locate them again.  including trips home from work.  to my radio.
make no mistake, i know we are lucky.  we're coming up on ten years of  being together, yet it feels like we're still just as young as we were back then and i still like him more and more every year.  he's funny ... and he's working really hard at being the best SAHD that he can be, all while going to school so he can better our family's future.  so while butterflies don't really rate in the big scheme of things...

they are things from LBK that i will always miss.
and that's ok.
because i'm human.
it's my right.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


what a pickle.

my man makes dinner and nobody eats it.

a dinner i convinced him to purchase (you know the frozen pre-made kind that would be easy in a pinch).

off to school he went and here i was left with three kids that found stuffed shells completely repulsive.  emma's dear facial expressions made me want to vomit FOR her. 


and call me evil because my man just called to tell me he did well on his mid-term and as soon i was done commending him for his hard work... i laid into him about the dinner.  why would i do that?

$100 says each of the kids tells me they're hungry as i tuck them into bed tonight.  and the mommy guilt that that provides me is the reason i laid into him.  however selfish it was, i can see the future.  {kind of like how my sister can time travel on I-95} 

so yes, i'm completely sorry, dear hubby, for doing that and stealing your thunder.  i'll do better next time at disguising my finger pointing in the midst of your wondrous news.  i love you so much i'll consider taking the time to do so in the future.   but in the meantime... i'm sorry.  eeeek!  imaschmuck. 

Monday, March 8, 2010

warm pants.

chris did laundry tonight.

ethan he was so excited that his jeans were warm when he put them away.
{side note:  they all put their own laundry away now.  AWESOME STUFF.}

i tucked my little babies into bed tonight and like always, i pulled their outfits for the next day and laid them on the floor.

i opened ethan's pants drawer.  
there i found a blanket.

"Ethan, what the heck is a blanket doing in your drawer?"

"MOM, LEAVE IT!  I need to keep my pants warm until tomorrow morning."

i'm with him.  cold jeans in the morning are less than enjoyable