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Sunday, January 24, 2010


i have birthed three children.  that is three pregnancies i have lived through, just to clarify. 

i have never had heartburn in my life to the level that i experienced today.

{not even when pregnant}

i'm pretty sure i was dying.  if, at any point in my life, did i feel like i was dying, it was today.

after dinner, enjoying a cookie.

explosion.  (my heart)

gasping for air, i was brought to my knees.  why on earth does the pain go right through you?  front to back.  up and down.  i couldn't roll forward, i couldn't sit up straight.

i was sure i was dying.

it hurt to laugh.  sophie was in front of me doing that funny face of her's -- the one where she literally bends her eyebrows into upside down "Vs".  it was hysterical.  and excruciating.

my question is... what the hell is heartburn and why do i seem to get it at least once a week?

is it........ *gulp*............. because, perhaps, someone perceives me as being old *coughGodcough* and this is just what happens to you when you get old?

how do you get over heartburn?  i'm still in pain, but thank the sweet heavens it is not the shooting pain I had earlier -- how do i get completely over this?  certainly another cookie is not the answer... but maybe I should just check to be safe...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

work work work work work

it's a sad day.
work news blows.
makes for an internally rainy day.
i'm not in the mood for rain.
i was just talking about my non-rainy spirit.
but now it's thunderstorming.
in my heart.
it's not my turn for the real pain and worry.
{but that will come.}
for now i wallow in the sorrow of my compadres.
people that love power and control, effect the lives of many.
it can be very dangerous.
but i thought we...
silly girl.  we need to be bigger.  for, being bigger means having more power.  {cue evil laugh}
i have three little mouths to greet me at the door at night.
mouths to feed.
mouths to keep happy.
mouths to entertain.
mouths to keep safe.
mouths to educate.
mouths to have faith in me.
{no control.}

{frustration.  worry.  anger.  sick-to-my-stomach.}

this is why we all need to figure out ways to be independently wealthy. 

Monday, January 18, 2010

job well done.

Every morning a fight erupts in the early morning hours between three small children in my very cozy {that’s my word for small } abode.

Every morning it goes something like this,

“OH NO NOT YOU! It’s MY turn to watch what I want to watch. I don’t WANT to watch Blue’s Clues. I don’t WANT to watch Kailan. I want to watch what I want to watch.”

And then there’s wrestling.  Followed by tears.

Every. Single. Morning.

This morning was a little different… It’s MLK Day. I have to work. I had no patience for fights over the t.v. – for goodness sake I was the only one showering and getting ready for the day because… I HAD TO GO TO WORK.

I offered my most adorable boy the opportunity to watch his show in my bedroom while I got ready for the day.

Goodbye Today Show. Hasta la vista, Matt, Meredith, Anne, and Al. Today I will not be able to mingle with you, for I am relinquishing my morning ritual in hopes for a much quieter prep time.

And then it happened.

I heard elevator music.

I heard SAXAPHONES playing.

And it was then that I knew

It was another familiar family that I love just as much as my own and The Today Show…

The Cosby Show

I don’t know what made my seven year old stop at that channel, but it sucked me right in. I sat on my bed laughing like I did when I was seven. I kept looking over at my adorably sleepy-eyed little boy. Nothing. Not a smile. No a CRACK of a smile. He didn’t look back towards me at all. He kept trudging trying to find the humor in it all. But nothing.

And then I realized… he was sacrificing his morning {i.e. fifteen-minutes} of this unknown family for me. I turned to him and said, “Gee Ethan, thanks for watching this show with me, but if you’d like to change the channel now, I certainly will understand. I have to get ready now.”


That’s how long his brain took to process the alleviation of his guilt. The only thing he said to me was, “You know I love you, mom.”

So much goes without speaking between people that know and love you. Small sacrifices seem big, especially by small little humans.

It was a slight affirmation that, although the toughest job I’ve ever had, being a mother is the best thing in the world. And perhaps, it is also a slight affirmation that I’m doing some things right with raising my little ones.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

sleepy heads. not.

we allowed the kids to have a sleep over last night.  but when i say sleep over, i just mean... they were allowed to sleep in the same room.  

we were able to trick them into thinking it was super late last night when we put them to bed.  but it was only 7:15pm

evil.  i know.

but of course.... it took them a long while to stop giggling, falling off the bunkbeds, and having to get up to get drinks of water.  so good thing we started this road show early.

the man and i were finally able to watch a movie out on the big screen last night.  pretty heavenly.  but between the movie and facebook... i was up very late.

i should have planned this all better.

  1. the kids were up at 6am.
  2. the kids were up at 6am jumping off the beds.  
  3. the kids were up at 6am jumping off the beds and laughing hysterically.
  4. the kids were up at 6am jumping off the beds, laughing hysterically, and making it impossible for their parents to get much sleep.

but we couldn't be mad.  not a drop.  they were actually.....

g e t t i n g  a l o n g.

say what??

all day.  simultaneous laughter.
only mild fighting.

it feels like christmas all over again.

Friday, January 15, 2010

healthy competition.

i'm in what you might call.... a competition.

weight loss, to be precise.

nothing depresses me more than skimping on my food.

so tonight, i chose to ignore the competition.

and now i lay sick in bed.

lord help me.

but on a separate note...
my three year old talks about Dora a lot lately.
she's a little late to the Dora game.
she loves to tell me all about her shows.
she calls "Backpack" "PackPack."
she may be crazy, but she's still so little.
i love it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


that's what i got.

blog guilt.

when you have a blog, and you love it, and you really feel good when you do it... you feel bad when you don't.  not because you, my beloved audience may be disappointed in the unfortunate lack of entries, but because when i go back in time to read my updates, i'm upset that there aren't more.  and more with greater substance.  and more to make me laugh.

this was supposed to be about my peas.  wow.  how things changed.

i see that i haven't blogged about all the funny times like i thought i would.  i blogged about the less-than-funny times that i never thought i would have to.  i realized this is because venting helps me cope.  it's a wondrous mechanism in healing my soul.
so when i don't blog on a regular basis i realize that my blog isn't what it was meant to be.  it's more focused on my dramas vice my funnies.  {sigh}  i love me some funnies.

and what am i saying in a nutshell?

i will do better.  because this is my written history.  my family's written history.  i can't miss the opportunity to record it LIVE.  wasted opportunities are unfortunate losses in life.  if we can just recognize these lost opportunities for what they are, i don't think we will continue to have many of them.  i just need to slow down.  sloooooooooow dooooooooooooooown.

i can do this.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

busy times are happy times...

oh the glory of the holidays.





each year we have been blessed to have my sister's family fly across the continent for Christmas.  this is awesome for several reasons, but namely, the fact that we get to see them at least once a year and also that we never really have to travel (beyond tons of local area traveling) over the annually chaotic national holiday.  i'm immeasurably appreciative that my sister and her family is willing to do that and am amazed every year when they tell us they've found tickets.    it is not something any of us take for granted.

we were finally able to frolic in the snow with my two nieces this year.  ten years and we finally had a white Christmas.  perfect.  and if i'm not mistaken, this was the first these Los Angeles born kiddos have met the real stuff.  there was, of course, lots of sledding down our mediocre, yet fully suitable hill.  seeing all of the kids play so well together after going 12 months since the last visit was a beautiful thing.  i credit this to iChat.  thank you Apple.

uncle shinny was convinced to partake in the fun.
the sweet voice of a 6 year old can do that.


on the other side of the family we met our perfectly adorable new little nephew.  boy......... i want another boy.  it's no secret.  but, alas, we are meant for three.  i can't bare to risk one more girl.  no offense to the women out there, but *yeesh*... it's tough to raise you.  :)

little charlie.  i hate to brag, but we bonded.


ethan with charlie's big brother, jack.

we went to ICE! at the National Harbor.  it was a little on the freezing side, but that was the point.  it's hard existing as such a bulky being when carrying a purse.  and a screaming three year old.  it was a very nice experience to have with my entire family.  even though 4 of the kids couldn't last more than 15 mins in there, and not because of the cold.  more because they were three and under.

but here are my 2 survivors... they were 100% hooked on the cold.


 but our little family?  our little family's Christmas was everything the little Hamakos could have ever dreamed of... the beauty salon they dreamed of... the motorized scooters that they thought they would never get... and to top it all... the PS3.

christmas eve.  2009.


sophie even got her very own baby sophie. 

does it get any better?
i can't imagine.

the perfect ending to this wonderful holiday was spent in a car --- destined to spend just a few short hours with my baby brother.  deployments effect us all.  if we can see him, by jeebus, we're gonna see him.  so we packed 14 of us up in a caravan and hit the road.  it was two days before his shipped sailed.  literally.

the trip down was quite sad, i have to say.  we were the unfortunate passerby to a double fatality highway accident that day.  it was such a strike to your soul - i can't really describe the pain inflicted to my body after driving by the accident.  it really hits home that you never know when it's your time. 

live life to it's fullest.  it could all be gone in a flash. 

on our way to dinner that night we walked past a pedestrian hit by a car laying motionless in the middle of the street.  it definitely made me worry about what else might happen that night.  it was all so scary.... it just takes a second and your life can change forever. {don't worry, there were firemen at the scene waiting on the ambulance -- we didn't pull a Seinfeld}.

but that visit to norfolk was something of a blessing.  all five siblings, six with our step-brother,  all together to wish our littlest guy a safe and quick deployment.  It was the first time in over a decade that we felt compelled enough to gather at the same place, at the same time. 

i love this little boy.
he's a man.
i get that.
but always the little boy i'll forever remember him as.
one of the loves of my life.
{i have many, i know.  how blessed am i?}

uncle cliffy, emma, ethan, miya, & teagan.

and the 6 of us monkeys.   the hotel concierge was probably
ready to kill us.  150 pictures, 7 kids running around the lobby...
boy was it worth the looks we got.

i even got to meet some new nieces.

gabi and olivia.  some new apples for my eyes.

the holidays.


what a wonderful life.