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Wednesday, September 29, 2010


today as i left work i saw a man struggling to get through the rain in his wheelchair.

i took a quick second to think about it and concluded it was ok for me to ask if he wanted help out the rain.

all i got in return was a grumble and a nasty look.

i felt somewhat mortified.  i knew i was taking a chance when asking,  but i truly had no idea he would resent me like that...   in front of my face.

i felt a bit ashamed. {is that too dramatic?}

why on earth would i acknowledge he might actually need assistance?

why on earth would i assume he would want to get out of the rain faster?

these quandaries in life make me wonder if i truly get society.  or the rules in dealing with people.

i honestly felt bad for him, not because he was handicapped, but because he was scooting his feet against the ground to make the chair move, only, not so well when navigating up the sidewalk ramp.  and it was raining.

am i a horrible person or am i just horribly dramatic?  in this instance only...  because, honestly, feel a bit of both, when then makes me feel doubly dramatic. 

Monday, September 27, 2010

oh YES. I. DID.

 i so did it.
i craved follicular freedom.
and i got it.

i put on my big girl panties and...
grew a set.

i chopped off my {sorta} locks this weekend.

 i was going for this...

and i could totally style it like that if i wanted tons of goop up in there,
but instead, i will settle on this...

pay no mind to the busy background.
i am... busy.
i mean, i can obviously make time for a haircut, self-portrait, and triple-blogging,
but don't ask me to straighten up our school shelves, or coat rack.

they just don't rate.

Stuart Haygarth


how did i forget to share this with you today?
{oh wait, it may have been the two Fs that came home again with the boy}

check this out...

staircase courtesy of Stuart Haygarth 
at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London
made of Recycled picture frames

all via Treehugger

and perfectly my colorful style.

freaking october. almost.

is it seriously almost october?
what the freak?
i had loads of time.
other priorities on the burners.
i had no idea october was this week.

i'm t-minus 2 weeks and 5 days until my peeps...
is here.
and taking pictures of my family.

oh wait... what is that, you ask?
what will my family be wearing that nice, fine, october day?

freak if i know.
i just figured out october was this week.

and now i have hit sheer panic.

i scheduled this back in march.
how are we already at OCTOBER?

i have tons of novel ideas about how to dress my small family,
but nothing really.... how do you say....


can you believe that jank?
{i am janky}

oh my.
i slack so effortlessly.
unknowingly effortlessly slackified.
and full o' panic.

i hope i do not disappoint.
i have worked this up in my mind since MARCH.
freaking blizzard-induced-photofest-obsession-o-mine.

Friday, September 24, 2010


i hate it.
i hate the smell.
i hate the sound.
i hate it all.

i hate when people smack it around in their mouths.
i hate when people play with it in their mouth with their hands.  and then touch something communal.


today i stepped in gum.
in my favorite flats.
fresh, minty, green, stretchy, gummy gum.
my shoes are ruined.
who in their right mind still spits that jank in parking lots?
why wouldn't you just spit it in the trash can RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

i'm beyond pissed.
between my disgust of gum and the nastiness of getting it off my shoes,
i have determined my favorite flats will go right into the trash tonight.

it is sad.
it is unfortunate.
it is all somewhat depressing.

i stepped in gum.
when you have a gum phobia/disgust, this is a horrible experience.
when you have to throw out your favorite shoes, it's doubly horrible.

woe is me today, woe.  is.  me.
at least i have shoes, right?
i know, i know.

happy freaking friday.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


no, seriously?

milky.  way.  CUPCAKES?

check out cheryl over at My Lifetime Subscription for the recipe.
i can't wait to try these babies out!


oh i wish i did.
i wish i could doze off into dreamland and let out a grand ole' snore.

but i can't.
i can't drift into REM and i can't feel completely rested during any given day.

our old-new dog, buddy, just ain't allowing it.
all night, every night.
whine, whine, whine.

it ain't pretty and it AIN'T cute.
it is

i actually had a guy call me at work today only to backtrack in the conversation and apologize if he woke me up.  WOKE ME UP.  how do i sound that pathetic?  and why on earth would he even ask that if i did sound like he woke me up.

i was at WORK for G's sake.

two weeks.  two weeks of broken, miserable, lack-o-sleep.

do i sound like i'm whining?

well it isn't half as bad as when buddy does it.

 don't let this face fool you, people.
i made that mistake.

and now i have bags under my eyes.
i am neither cute, nor funny these days.
i am one angry old bag.
i've lost my sass and replaced it with pure anger.
it's so horrible.

Monday, September 20, 2010


i give my kids pretty much whatever they want.
i'm not saying their spoiled.
but they are spoiled.

football season means lots of green and orange (CANES PRIDE!) around this place.
including some little headbands for the girls.
they wear headbands almost every single day.
i thought it was a nice touch.
they are soooo matchy matchy, afterall... this would make saturday-morning-headband-choosing-easy.

i thought it would be nice to get them these little $6 headbands.
they were definitely excited to see them in the mail.
i thought they were appreciative.

and then tonight happened.
the girls were off playing in their room when sophie prances out to me proudly declaring:

that headband was snapped.  fifty different ways.  it was obvious it was an intentional malicious act on that poor headband.  which is why i snapped when i heard emma give me this lame excuse that it was an accident.  that sucker was pulverized.  when the truth came out it was all done in the name of a laugh. 


i try to raise my kids to be appreciative.  i try to raise them to know everything is considered a gift, nothing is to be expected, and nobody is entitled to anything.  over these last few years i have been associated with way too many people that think they are entitled to things just because of who they are and who they represent.  {remember this?}  i have no patience for it.  and so when my own child acts entitled, not only do i feel like a failure, but i feel beyond disappointed.

she had no appreciation for the cost of that sucker.  no appreciation for the fact that she ever DIDN'T have it.  no appreciation for the fact that it made her saturday-morning-headband-choosing-easy.

she has a better appreciation now that she's paid me all of her money {$3} and owes me another $3. 

motherhood is one tricky J-O-B... i mean, i look like an S-O-B all in the name of trying to be a better M-O-M.  it's a small price to pay for a big lesson in life, i suppose, but i definitely hated seeing those tears stream down her face tonight.  it does break a mother's heart.... and i do have a heart.

just not a patient heart when it comes to entitlement.

is that so wrong?

save MY date....

big props to

great sports' party featured,
shared by Katie of Green Apple Paperie

i. am. a. fan. fo'. sho'.

Sunday, September 19, 2010


football is our life.
our life.
at least lately.

{so much our life that i seriously lined these puppies up just for a pic}

i'm good with that because i love it.
thankfully i have an appreciation for not only watching my child play out there, but for the actual game itself.  it just makes the day that much better.

yesterday was flippin' crazy.  buddy, our old-new pooch, has not been adjusting well to being back with us full-time.  poor feller didn't even know it was coming -- his sleep schedule has definitely jacked up our sleep schedule.  he was {un}happy to be up at 4am, which meant most of us were also up at 4am... football caravan up the road at 7am, game at 9am, an hour trip south to get changed in 25 mins so we could get to a birthday party at 1pm, ocktoberfest... never pm.  {while it looked like a ton of fun, it did not look like a ton of fun with kids.}

i felt so old yesterday.  where is my stamina?! other people had kids out at oktoberfest... you know... all while sloshing beer around in their 12" steins.  what was my problem?!

i'm old and shattered.
bad knees.
bad back.
bad neck.
horribly pathetic, i know.

look at this boy...
i forgo things like oktoberfest in lieu of this...

he's so worth it.
i mean, seriously...
he's like dessert.
so yummy.

and for moments like this:

pump. it. up.

and then, to see him come through the victory arch at the end... it's like waiting for someone at the airport.
i. love. it!

and while all of this football stuff is going on, if you look behind you, you can see stuff like this:

the girls built a shanty town out of leftover pieces of the banner.
it was great b/c it meant they weren't complaining the entire time about how much they hate football.

and we are lucky enough to have some great supporters!
here is my man with his madre and our oldest nephew:

love the madness this season creates.
i mean, without it... i might have no life.
because football is also how i met some awesomely fantastic women.
love every s e c o n d of it.

{even though i'm {old and} usually zonked out by 8:30pm on days like this.}

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

double F.

i'm a mom to a third grader this year.
third grade to a child is the equivalent of law school to an adult.
{roll with it.}
my son is fantastic in math and science.
english and history... another subject.

yesterday was back-to-school night.
a chance to figure out what i need to work on at home with ethan.
like, *coughcough*, the two "F"s he came home with over the last week.


i had heart failure this last week. 
an F in english and an F in science.
everything else came home with As on them. 
help me make sense of this.

the science F was a mystery since i know my boy "gets" the subject.  it boiled down to him rushing through the work b/c he didn't like his partner on the assignment.  not good, but ok, at least i know he "gets" the stuff.

the english F was a complete misinterpretation of the directions.  he didn't know that he misunderstood it.  how do you fix this?

last night.  back to school night.  my chance to express concern... i mean, they asked me if i had questions or concerns, so this was obviously what they wanted to hear, right?  so there i go all voicing concern over my son getting Fs on work...

do you know what each of them told me?

"Mrs. Hamako it was only one "F" in each subject!  You're freaking out over nothing, the school year has just started.  It's not a big deal AT ALL."

W. T. F????????????????????

Teachers telling me that I'm blowing an "F" out of proportion.  I was beyond confused.  They told me it would be ridiculous to punish him and blow this up into something it's really not.  WHAT?!!  if "F"s don't matter, why have them, let alone in RED marker on his paper?

ethan knows that if he gets any more of these "F"ing grades that we'll be seeing less of this...

and more of this....

isn't that the right thing to do when bad grades come home?
or do you agree that i am just blowing this out of proportion?

going from the "E/S/T" grade scale to this one has me freaked out.
"F"s are "F"s for a reason.
don't you agree?!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

right quick...

as usual while at Apartment Therapy i came across this awesome collection of road sign furniture and home accessories by Borris Bally

his actual website is pretty fantastic. 
i suggest you take a look.
{not just a glance.}
a looooooooooooooooooooooooook.


holy schnikes i just ran across this on Apartment Therapy this morning...

introducing..... sophisticat.

love, love, LOVE this.
new patterns from FLOR.

aye chihuahua!

check out this schweet damask pattern...

aye carramba!

mommy likey.

Monday, September 13, 2010


it's all about living, right?
it doesn't have to be all about cancer.
it can be about seizing moments.
making memories.

i would have sworn this was his off week from chemo.
but it wasn't.
he went golfing.
and wasn't even winded.

something got into my father-in-law.
on a whim, he hopped on to my nephew's new bike to take it for a spin.
all the grandkids were worried...

"Grandpa don't go down the hill"
"Grandpa don't go so fast"
"Grandpa they have hand brakes - DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE HAND BRAKES?!"

they chased after him making sure he would be ok.
he was telling them to bug off!
it was awesome.

it doesn't always have to be all about cancer.  we need to learn to take these awesome moments and live in them.  and herbie-t-mako taught me just that.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


you know i'm a sucker for re-upholstered items to sit your ever-plump backside upon.  
(i'm really only talking about myself, here)

check out this Betsy Sofa by Suzanne Meyer Pistorius

mama mia.

thank you, Apartment Therapy gods, for sending this to my dashboard this morning..
on a dreary virginia sunday, it sure does brighten up the joint.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

flaked out.

i was pumped.
jazzed, even.

game 1.
fall tackle.
cool breeze in the air.
team spirit all over the place.

dad is in his coaching shirt.
ethan is in his uniform.

i grab the camera.
the camera that i made sure had a FULLY charged battery.
and i forgot the F&*%@*! memory card.


i was up early yesterday.
even got a shower.
scrambled to make sure i wouldn't get caught with a dead battery.

and it's the MEMORY card that got me.

no pictures to show you from the big game.
just one from after the game, courtesy of my phone.

ethan and his biggest fan, AA.


separately, i helped run concessions all day.
this consisted of 7 1/2 hours of being in the sun.
with a big ole "U" sticker on my cheek.
{team spirit, dontcha know.}
look real hard at the pic below.
the iphone isn't as good of quality as, oh, let's say...

as if you were standing right next to me.

but can you see my schweet new tan line?
next time i might as well just go all out and put CANES on there.

talk about dedicated team pride. 

 besides the new "U" i have on my cheek i also have a nice little sunburn.

somehow i managed to grab 6 bottles of bug spray before heading out yesterday, yet i failed to grab a single bottle of sunscreen.

what's wrong with me?!?!
i'm flaking out!

Saturday, September 4, 2010


i must be crazy.
it's saturday.
5:37 a.m.
and i am awake.
more than awake.

today is game 1.
wish us luck.

i could only sleep but so late this morning.
so much to do and on my mind.

and it's all for a an 8 year old's football team.
i hope he knows how much i love him.
because i'm feeling juuuust a bit crazy.


 and more specifically...
(mama loves you.  don't break your bones out there)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

just do it.

i am am mom to three.  and, honestly, i feel more like half a mom to three.  i never feel like i'm ever fully there for any of them.  there is so much that constitutes being a mom that i just don't know if i actually, fully pull it off with each of my babes.

these eight years of motherhood have passed me by quicker than i consumed that last chocolate bar.  i don't want to miss any of their childhood, but i do.  every day.  and it makes me sad.

last night my husband and i made a pact.  no more iphones, laptops, etc in the bedroom.  that is the only time i really get to see and talk to him everyday, and since june, it's been non-existent.   june marks father's day.  father's day marks the day the itouch came into our life.  which also marks the last day i could hold a focused conversation with my husband in bed.  with this itouch... world wars and alliances take his full attention.

why does any of that matter to you? 

last night we were iphone/itouch-less.  we watched a movie ... The Proposal with sandra bullock.  while i felt it was mediocre, that really doesn't have anything to do with what i'm about to write.

there was this scene... the grandma (betty white) was decking out margaret (sandra bullock) in her own wedding dress.  she topped it all off by giving her a turquoise necklace passed down through the generations.  it was a tender moment met by a flood of tears flowing down my cheeks.

it's too late.  while i was busy taking time for granted, my grandmother grew older.  her disease grew bigger.  she no longer remembers anyone other than my grandfather, and even then she tries to disappear on him often.  my time was wasted and never in my life will i get to have a moment like that with my grandmother.  nothing personal.  nothing touching.  just me in fear of what lies before me.  a scared, confused, and often tearful woman. 

i never got to say goodbye to my grandma - the one that used to know me.  and now, NOW, my only option is to say hello to a grandma that won't know me.  i'm half-asian, for cripes sake, she's NEVER going to believe i'm her grandchild now!

i am quite disappointed with myself.  we had a crazy upturn of events this year, so i can honestly say it wasn't because i was lazy that we didn't make it up to see them, but i can say that i should have taken the time to do this.

i have been talking with my aunt a lot lately.  about my grandma.  she reassured me that even by the time i had that last blog "moment" in February, it was too late.  in January she was already gone.  less argumentative and tearful, but still unfamiliar with who people were.  it only gives me slight relief.  

i don't want to take this life lesson for granted.  i say it all the time... i have to life in the moment more often.  it's all gone before you know it.  you may intend on getting there someday, but someday will pass you by in the blink of an eye.

july 2008.

this was the last time i saw my grandma.  she remembered me, though i could see the discomfort when she met new people, she was comfortable with me.  she knew me.  she still stroked my chin with that pointer finger when she saw me, just like when i was little.

live in the moment.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.  
~Chinese Proverb