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Thursday, October 29, 2009


it's official.  completely official.  my poor angelic first born has pneumonia caused by the swine flu.  they say you'll know if you have swine flu by whether or not you look like you've been hit by a bus.  today, ethan looks like he was hit by a bus.  i thought it was a sinus infection caused by the flu.  the doctor said to bring him in and thank you jeebus that i did.  he's now on antibiotics and hopefully on a road to recovery.  so long as he doesn't gag all of the medicine up. 

worst. gag reflex. ever.

my lawd.  this little guy melts my heart day after day... he will forever be my little e.  not italy.  little e. 

practically perfect in every way.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

beautiful visions of my genetic make-up

so this is "girls' day out" clothing line.
it is sold at my mom's store.
my girls were asked to model.
it took me weeks to actually follow through with the request.
{it was a daunting request.}

they are angelic, wouldn't you agree?

they could've modeled all day for me. pose after pose after pose. i was the first to give up.

but more than their beauty, in these pictures i notice their distinct differences. they are cut from the same cloth yet look like they could easily be neighbors on the same street rather than sisters from the same womb.

and to think... when little sophie came out back in 2006 we thought SHE was the oddball. we expected another anomaly. we got 100% asian. we were floored.

they're both keepers. at least 75% of the time i am convinced of it.


this was beerfest.

it was... simply put...
a mess.

we went to honor one man...

david santino "30 year old" anthes
{he loves purple}

it was a beautiful sunday afternoon, however, just a bit on the chilly side.
{and let us not forget, muddy side as well}

i wish i liked beer more. i stuck mainly to ciders. it's always hard for me to step out of my comfortable "beer box" and try random beers.

sweet potato and black pepper beer.

watermelon beer.

clove and cinnamon beer.

beer that would equate to loaves of bread.

those are hard for me to actually go up and REQUEST. the clearer the better, as far as I'm concerned.

above is my sister Andrea... AKA "Dre" ... AKA "Mama Dre"... since this was our first brewfest nobody had thought to bring galoshes. so dre wore loafers.
there was a huge fan of her loafers in attendance that day.
the mud.
the mud didn't want to let go of her loafers.
the mud didn't want to let several other peoples' flip flops go, either.
people. went. barefoot.
cold. nasty. beerlogged. mud.
dre chose to keep her loafers on her feet.
while she smoked a vanilla cigar.

cheers to turning 30!

cheers to sisters!

cheers to first and lasting loves!

it wasn't all about the beer that day. or the mud.
it was great to be together again.

family. {also best friends.}

sick day. unfortunately, that is for real.

monday i got word that my angelic first born was staying home from school sick with a cough and a fever. and then yesterday i had to stay home with him so hubby could go register for next semester. so who is the one to cuddle and protect all day long? me. you know who didn't cuddle and protect?

my immune system.

and thus it begins. achy bones, a nasty cough... headache. chills.

but how could i refuse my 7 year old's request to cuddle all night long?

some things are just plain impossible.
some things are not.
{like catching the flu from your sick angelic 7 year old.}

{although, i'm still praying that i can remain in denial of that until
after the storm passes. it makes me feel more in control.}

Sunday, October 25, 2009

sunday funday

it's sunday. sunday {beer} funday.
{let's blow off some steam}

kids to the grandparents. a 30th birthday to celebrate.

beer to take the edge off life.

sunday funday.

round 'em up!

{happy birthday, david! i hope you recovered from yesterday... you're in for a doozy}

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

changing ways

i'm having a very emotional series of weeks, of late. emotional in that, everything hits my heart like a ton of bricks. to the point i go numb.

my only enemy at this point is time. just get me through this. for the love of G.

i went to church for the first time in 2 years. or closer to 4. but who really feels the need to count? my kids really loved it. really really enjoyed themselves. i'm not 100% convinced that this is the place for my family for years to come, but i feel a little healthier on the inside because of it. i'm not sure if it brought me closer to God, but it made me closer to myself. it made me realize that what i view my reality to be is not all that powerful in nature. i can't change people that are sick. i can't make them unsick when they choose to stay that way. i honestly thought i could. i honestly believed i was that powerful. i used my kids to push that notion inside of my head. "if he won't do it for me, i'll use the kids."

how unfair.

how ridiculous.

am i just as sick?

it's so easy to fall prey to myself. fighting this down-spin of emotions is quite difficult.

but then i watched a clip of NieNie. reading her blog over the years, and that of her sister cjane have made me emotionally bonded to her. to stephanie nielson.

and then she was on oprah. i heard her words. i felt her pain. her struggle. her faith. her faith. her reality. it puts life into perspective.

my life is chaotic and dramatic because i invite that into my life. i open myself up for repeated disappointment and pain. i put it all out there because i can't live with regrets. or guilt. i don't want someone's failures attributed to me. or their hardships. or their pain. i choose to make life easier for people because it makes me feel good. it alleviates potential guilt. it's how i live my life.

will i fail myself by changing my ways?

can i view it as protecting my family..... is that an easy transition to make? i feel as though, after this last year of difficulty, it's my only option. focusing down on my family's needs - because they come first. all those tiny little perfect faces matter more than anything.

i know that.

i speak that often.

but i still put myself first.

i allow heartache and disappointment into all of our lives. how fair is that?

it's not. it just isn't.

self-pity not allowed. {not any more.}

i feel strong today.

it's all about the faces. my peas. my pride. my everything.

why is that so hard to remember some days?

{i feel so small}