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Monday, January 12, 2009

have you ever thought about what it means to be happy? what it would take to really make you happy? truly, unadulteratedly, unabashedly, blissfully, intoxicatingly happy? does it seem intangible? overwhelming? unrealistic?

sometimes it just is so intimidating to think about what it would take to make you happy. but with all things, isn't it easier to think about it all in b a b y s t e p s?

my children make me happy.
happy children make me even happier.
is this why some people revolve their lives completely around their children?

the holidays have wore. me. out. i am one tired lady. {although, i can't call myself "lady" in front of my kids because it makes them sad to think of me as "old" -- and then it leads into a conversation about what happens when we die -- which leads to tears -- and then that doesn't really make me happy.} it goes to show you what the pre-holiday feeling of joy does to me. it gives me energy. it gives me pep.

i'm currently pepless.

i try to do a lot for others because it honestly makes me happy to do so. i like making other people's lives easier. really. i do. it's one of those selfish qualities that my husband is kind of automatically involved with since he is my husband, naturally. i'm not patting my back here. i'm really venting. because i'm tired. never in a million years would i change the way i operate my life. i really do this because of how it makes me feel. and then afterwards i crash. and sometimes to the detriment of my own little immediate family life. but at the same time, they all got something out of it too {like more time with their cousins, or a chance to stay up late with a house full of aunts, uncles, grandparents, or life lessons in general}.

i'm happy.

tired happy.

but happy.

so after writing this entry i've realized what it is that i'm truly after right now to reach that high level of true, unadulterated, unabashed, blissful, and intoxicating happiness.


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