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Friday, May 6, 2011

in the name of love....

two and a half years ago my husband lost his job.  two and a half years ago we thought our marriage was on the brink of self-destruction.  two and a half years ago we made the choice to make our life better.  together.

through a bit of couple's counseling and a lot of faith, we have landed ourselves two and a half years from that horrible time in our lives.  together.

it was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but two and a half years ago we were far from happy, far from focused, and far from communicative.

today we are strong.
today we are communicative.
today we are hopeful.

when chris lost his job my world felt vacant.  i felt like we were going down this spiral to nothingness.  i was scared, angry, and at times, complacent.  complacency is a dangerous place to be.  it often lead to hopelessness.  we had to refocus ourselves on the positive.  it felt nearly impossible, but as soon as we swung that pendulum the other direction, we really liked it there better.  it never felt like we were fooling ourselves, nor did it feel like we were alone.  having emotional support from your friends and family makes an entire world of difference.  but because it felt so awesome staying positive, we chose to start living that way full-time.

let me take you back to a blog entry from 2008.... this was emma's last day of pre-school.  it was the day i broke down in front of all her friends and teachers in sobs because i felt so helpless.  i was scared.  i was sad.  i ran to the back of the school and curled into a ball sobbing.  with chris loosing his job three weeks prior, this was not just her 5th birthday celebration, it was also her last day of school.  i was so devastated to take her away from all of her friends.  this was the child i was so afraid to leave behind at school, yet, at school she absolutely thrived.  she was confident.  she was a new emma.  i had such guilt and that day stands out as the clinching moment when i honestly felt my world was falling apart.

but it didn't.  i'm here.  we're here.  stronger, happier, and smarter.


yes, smarter.

over these two and a half years chris has gone to University of Mary Washington to get his degree in History.  and tomorrow..... he will walk across that stage to receive his degree from my sister {dre anthes}.  i can't tell you how proud i am of this accomplishment.  it feels like we are closing the chapter on this adventure.  while we aren't {since he still has to go through his teaching certification}, i am at peace knowing this time away from work has made him stronger -- knowledge wise, emotionally wise, confidence wise.  we chose to do something and, i feel, made lemonade from those lemons.  that has been a goal of this blog since day 1.  well, almost day 1. 

i have so many different emotions running through me tonight, pride and love at the top of them.  it hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth it.  when he walks across that stage tomorrow i fully anticipate being in tears.  i just love him so much and am prouder of this moment for him than when it was my own in 2002.  so think of me tomorrow around 10:45am and hope i remembered to bring my tissues. 

also hope my three kids don't burn out and steal this moment from me -  
you know how they roll.

my mr. wonderful

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