i have sat at my computer and started a post every few days since Christmas. nothing seems good enough. there is this over-abundance of things to talk about. with over-abundances like this, i just lose control and write as if i'm in a speed talking competition. it isn't pretty, rarely comprehensible, and overall completely frustrating to be around. it is not just aggravating for me to try to get through writing, but also to read back to myself. it's like i'm on speed. only i'm not. and then it all just gets deleted anyway. how do professional bloggers decide what to write about?
oh wait...
i'm not professional.
i'm a mom that wanted to document things for my children.
that's it!
here i have been pressuring myself to document every little thing surrounding every little event and then coming out with nothing in the end.
*refocus, erica, refocus*
i'm going to re-think things a bit. re-think my purpose. re-think my approach. re-think my everything. it has overwhelmed me because i lost my focus. i allowed my blog to stand for more than i wanted it to, and it completely swallowed me up to the point i didn't feel like i could even live up to it.
sort of like my facebook status. i can't even think of anything "worthy" to put on there anymore. i am finding myself more and more obnoxious the further i expand my thoughts here today.
i will be back sooner than later, with much less pressure on myself. you know, that pressure that swallowed me whole and completely disabled my capability of written expression.
i am erica and i am my own worst written enemy.
Brave post lady! To admit to yourself & then everyone else that things are out of whack and you've allowed something to take on more importance than you want. Oh, if only I had no idea what you were going through!! :)
ReplyDeleteI love blogging. I think it has been a very good thing in my life. BUT. It is so easy to focus on putting the most brilliant thing possible out there, gaining a huge readership and being oh so popular. Ambition sets in. Nothing wrong with ambition, except when it takes away from what we ACTUALLY want — generally, quality time with our families and being fully present in their lives.
I'm confident you'll figure it all out! You wouldn't have had the courage to make this post otherwise. Good for you!!! :)
Thank you, Lori. Feeling like I always have to one-up myself is so defeating. I mean, the fact that it has drilled down so far as my FACEBOOK status -- next thing you know I'll be an antisocialite. THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT! Your input is so appreciated and normalizing. Just what I needed to hear!
ReplyDelete