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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

doing our children justice.

i have this slight addiction.  

i'm going to call it a blogiction.  

my blogiction has me obsessed with reading blogs, following blogs, bookmarking, tagging, flagging, liking, and commenting on BLOGS.  like, all the time.

i love the creativity out there.  i love the inspiration.  i love how people i don't know move me to tears.  humans are wonderful creatures and so complex.  they not only have the ability to piss you off, but also the ability to calm you down.  to make you realize your blessings.  to make you thankful for what you do have.

recently i have undergone a lot of stress at work.  it made for a stressful vacation and a stressful home life.  i have taken my children for granted.  i have been short tempered, short sided, and constantly annoyed at their negative pleas for attention.  i know i'm not alone, but it doesn't make me feel good when i read other blogs who have far worse going on in their lives right now.  and by far worse, i mean, stress directly related to their children.  and loss thereof.

my friends annie and dave recently experienced a travesty... or series of travesties.  annie got pregnant only to find out the baby had Trisomy 18.  not only that, but later they found out that baby Noah also had Omphalecele.  on July 16th Annie's water broke.  her husband was out on a carrier in the Atlantic Ocean.  she was in California.  she was so lucky that she had a great friend by her side that day to help her through both the physical and emotional trials of what she was experiencing.  when she reached the hospital she was sad to learn Noah's tiny heart had stopped beating.  she gave birth to him that afternoon and miraculously Dave made it to the hospital that evening.  they were kind enough to post some pictures of little Noah on their blog for those of us that were mourning from a distance.  they are the epitome of strength and after reading their news, i felt as though i was the epitome of weakness.  as they went through this most difficult experience i was in my own little world getting frustrated with the constant needs of my three children.  

i still feel so weak and selfish.

and this same week, this same week, i blog-hopped from CJane over to Patrick and Ashley's page.  Patrick and Ashley's daughter, Preslee, was air-lifted to a hospital after she fell into a canal in Idaho, only to be found by a farmer two miles down the canal.  about a week later, little Preslee got her angel wings.  

i need to do my children justice.  as much as i love my blogiction, my kids deserve better patience from them mama.  we aren't guaranteed a certain amount of time with our children in this life.  i can't take it for granted.  while i don't anticipate giving up blogging or reading blogs, i just don't think i'll be doing it as often.  it's like a diet.  you just need to get in the groove and then it becomes second nature.  unfortunately, i have things bass-akwards.  just like i did when i picked up scrapbooking.  or farming on facebook.  {which, neither of the latter are currently in my life --that farming was ridiculously addicting -- so much so that did a study on it.  so go ahead and stop judging me.}

we have one life to live.  one.  the things that matter the most to me are my children.  i need to recondition my habits to be the best mom i can be.  then i can be a better blogger.  i'm sure of it.

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