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Monday, April 26, 2010

i can do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

I can do it.
I can be a mom to three kids out in public just fine.
No added stress. Or sweat.
Or yells.
One day?

Why does it seem like every five seconds when I’m out running errands with my babes I find myself calling one of them by their full name? And then I feel like everyone and their mother is looking at me.

I literally freak out when I lose sight of them for a split second. Seriously freak out. It is a rule in my house that if I can’t see you… it’s a BAAAAAAAAAAAD thing. Without traumatizing my kids I’ve tried to explain the importance of staying near their mama when out and about. {It can all happen so fast, you know.} It is, without a doubt, my biggest fear in life. Of course, they are carefree. Naive.  Young.

They do a really good job of staying close most of the time, but it just takes a split second.

{Kind of like when I had a gnat fly into my eye when driving and I plowed into the guy in front of me. It just took a split second. The insurance company said they get a lot of calls like that, but usually it’s from people sneezing. That also takes a split second.}

Yes, I can see that this is going to be a big problem as they get older. And I am really afraid of letting go. But right now I don’t have to and I chose to be protective. I don’t think there is something called being too protective. But I still worry. I worry about my kids 24-7. Mainly because I know I am not perfect. Mistakes happen. Focus can shift to something else in a store and in a blink of an eye, suddenly my kids are three aisles down. I am not perfect. And this is why I know misfortunes can happen.

Without treating this like I did the whole tightrope walking on the deck rail mentality, how do I put across my concerns without permanently damaging them?!

I just worry about failing them and at the same time I worry about being so controlling.

Trickiest job in the world with the most at risk every single minute. It’s a scary thought!

It is a shame there’s no legal certification you get when you pop out a kid. Nobody checks you at the door of the hospital before releasing you with your newborn. They send you naively on your way. Happily carrying a brightly cheeked little cherub home to snug on.  Nice in theory, frightening in longevity and depth of responsibility.  Well worth it all, no doubt.  But if you want to do it right, you constantly question your actions.  At least I hope. 

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