lemons.

i'm a doer. some of you may be familiar with that. so, in being a "doer" i'm also kiiiiiiind of a type-A personality. i wouldn't go as far as to say that it's "my way or the highway...." but i'm really not a "mosier"...I don't mosey. and if you're near me, together, we will not mosey.

so.................................i have a question

how to do you learn to stop and smell the roses? to take that sunday drive? to mosey through the gardens? i've never done this before but i think that without learning how to do this, i'm missing out on a lot of life and making some current situations more stressful than they need to be.

here's a little story ...

when i was 7 months pregnant with sophie we took a trip to disney world with the two big kids (who were 2 and 3, at the time). before my last child was to arrive i needed a last family vacation with my two oldest children. maybe it was mommy guilt or maybe it was wanting those last set of memories before the new addition. i'm a picture loving person...i am nothing without my camera. on day 2 of our trip we went to MGM studios. i couldn't find my camera anywhere. i remember feeling ruined. how was i going to have those memories? i felt as though the trip to the park was over before it started. and then, i experienced something i don't think i've felt before as a parent. i was living IN the moment versus trying to capture it. LIVING. it brought tears to me eyes. all of the sudden i was a PART of those memories. it was upsetting. all the moments i had missed because i was trying to capture them on film.

i've tried harder to live in the moment these days, but i'm not going to lie...it is a difficult task. maybe my problem isn't moseying...per se...but making lemonade out of lemons? we have a lot going on, there is no sugarcoating that fact. we're going through highs and lows constantly, but is it going to be easier to get through this by staying positive and by smelling the roses or fixing this quickly and being able to move on and not worry about things? i've tried to let things flow on their own schedule and four weeks into it, i'm kind of over it. but have i just not found the right recipe for my lemonade? or have i mosied long enough? all of these questions and nobody to answer them. except, of course, the big Guy upstairs. how have i missed hearing his answer? because Lord knows, I've been asking him. daily. more than daily. i'll keep my ear on the lookout...(hear-out? it is my ear, afterall, not my eye...)

in the meantime, i've got to go google 'lemonade.'