my sweet mary evelyn.

it's been years in the making, but i finally did it.  i put my big girl panties on and agreed to go up to Pennsylvania to see my grandparents.  i could not continue the emotional denial any further.  we packed our family of five in the car and left last weekend for what has been avoided for the last three years. 

this would be the first time i would see my grandmother since she lost the ability to recognize people. 

i knew what to expect, but i didn't know what to expect.  you know how people will say things like "she acts like a toddler now" or "she gets confused easily."  it's all very different when you experience it for yourself, and probably for a thousand different reasons.

If old people had exersaucers, these would be the toys attached to my grandma's.

i walked into the house at 7:30am.  she had just finished eating her cereal.  her hair was all over the place --- boy, if she knew what she looked like, she wouldn't be sitting there like that for my husband and i to see.  she was always well put together.  hair and make-up always done.  and here she sat before me looking like a frizzy lionness.  i said "good morning" to her and immediately asked her if she was done eating so i could take her bowl to the sink.  she gave me a quick "yup!" and off i went.  upon returning to the table i noticed her gazing fondly at my hubby's sneakers.  she said, "WOW!  Look at those shoes!  Those are NICE!"  and there it was... that innocence that was undeniably adorable.  over the next five minutes i took over sitting with her while my hubby, kids, and grandfather went outside to look at the pool we would all be converging on to disassemble shortly.  when my mom made it to town the first thing she did was to put my grandma's hair back in a french braid.  she finally resembled the woman i called grandma.

i couldn't stop staring at her, remembering all the fond things she used to say to me.  i sat watching her with tears in my eyes, which turned into tears down my face, which illicited much inquisition from grandma.  she was so puzzled.  "why are you clying?"  ... "or something like that."  she used words that were slightly wrong, but she didn't know what was wrong about them, so she couldn't fix it to say "cRying."  i tried to explain that my tears were because i missed her house, this place, this life with my grandparents involved, but she didn't understand, and she stopped paying attention.  she started singing "doodlydoodledoooooo" and tapping away with a ruler on a cup.  i knew deep down inside, this was still the same woman.  her love of music hasn't stopped.  she even started whistling.

at one point i made some silly face in a reaction to something she did --- i got the biggest laugh in return.  hmmmmmmmmmm she likes it.  she likes crazy silly faces.  MORE FACES!  so i pulled out all the stops, constantly making silly faces and even resorted to making silly farting noises.  i had her rolling.  and you know what was the best part?  she told me how cute i was.  i think i stopped breathing.  i found myself back in tears.  she is so much like the old her, but she just can't remember me. 

i so love her.

 it was a 90 degree day in Pennsylvania that day.  my grandparents don't have air conditioning, nor do they believe in opening windows to cool down.  there wasn't a fan in sight and the only thing we had to cool us down was being destroyed in the backyard {the pool}.  with six kids running around miserable from the heat, we found them constantly in and out of the house.  their gut was to go inside to get away from the heat, but then they'd get there and realize it was hotter there than outside. 

each and every time my oldest daughter would enter the house, my grandmother would stop doing whatever she was doing and she'd just stare at Emma.  truth be told Emma didn't know what to say and after the first few instances of this my sweet baby girl was really bothered by the attention.  my grandma would stare at her and just say "wowwwwwww, you are BEAUTIFUL!" over and over and over and over.  she was completely enamored by her, which warmed my heart to  no end.  i tear up just thinking of it.  i'm so touched that even in her confused state, she can say such lovely things to my child.  i know emma was uncomfortable, but i hope one day that will be what she remembers of her great-grandma.  i'll never have my grandma tell me that i'm doing a great job with my kids, but at least i know she thinks they're beautiful.

Ethan (9 yrs)

Emma (8 yrs)

Sophie (6 yrs)

The pool that all the kids and grandkids learned to swim in...that my grandma is now afraid of.

Standing at the bridge where all of us kids and grandkids used to feed the minnows and take a quick dip...

... now the cows reign over this land - no swimming in there anymore!

After taking the kids down to the "crick," I walked back up to the house to find my hubby ready to head over to the hotel.  After a day of hard work in 90 degrees he needed to get to the air conditioned hotel room. 

Before I left I went inside to say goodbye to my grandma.  I found her in a chair panting and exhaling a lot.  I asked her if she was hot and she said "yes." it was as if she was seeing me for the first time again.  i told her i'd get her a nice cold cloth for her head {why had nobody thought of this yet?} -- when i returned i wiped her face and put the cold cloth on her head.  she looked longingly into my eyes and said "thank you for taking care of me."  i started crying.  she has always been the one to take care of me.  it made me really sad things aren't the same.  i told her how much i loved her and she said, "wow you sure are birdy!" and by that, based of my knowledge of things she used to say to us, i'm pretty sure she mean't "purdy" -- she followed it by saying... "or something like that!"  i gave her a big kiss on her cheek and bid her farewell until the next day.  i had to leave because i had to have an enormous cry. 

my grandma's name is mary evelyn.  she will only answer to this name.  she doesn't go by "mom" or "grandma" and if you do slip and call her that, she always asks "who's that?"  calling her mary evelyn this weekend was hard.  she is my grandma but as she exists today, she has no idea i belong to her.  that's a hard thing to swallow. 

we spent the next day with the entire family (23 of us) at the best amusement park on the planet, knoebel's grove.  my grandparents showed up late and left early, so we didn't get to spend much time with them there, but my kids had a great day to make up for the depressing and stifling day before.   as soon as i made it back to virigina, i ordered two slim standing oscillating fans from amazon and had them two-day shipped to my grandparents house.  the last thing i need to do is worry about my grandma getting heat stroke. 

1.2.3. breathe.

2011 was a year i could live without doing over.  such pain.  and stress --- and heartache.  i keep telling my kids that the only way not to hurt so bad is to never love so much.  but can you honestly fathom living your life without loving with your whole heart?

i know i am not capable of loving less than that... unless i don't love you at all.

my father-in-law passed away on december 30th.  after twenty months of a courageous battle against cancer, he finally is at peace once again.  {bitter sweet, you know?}

my only adult experiences with death were those of my great-grandparents ten years ago.  the funerals were in a small town in Pennsylvania.  the type where it literally feels like you go back in time when you cross that township line.  THAT kinda small town.  i hadn't seen most my family in years... so even though i was {awkwardly} a pall bearer, it still felt like a fun family reunion more than a funeral. 
my grammy and pappy were people we hadn't seen in years.  the pain of their death wasn't as devastating.  my grammy had alzheimer's... she hadn't been herself in 10 years.  my pappy died shortly after she did.  they say that is very common with the elderly.  but given the distance of the previous decade, the loss was ultimately less painful because i hadn't spoken to him in so long.

my point is..... i never fully experienced emotional pain with death.  i experienced some regret, but not full-on emotional pain.

(although, i take part of that back... we had to put my dog of 13 years down back in november.  that certainly was some heavy emotional pain.  but even then, that's dog-pain.  not people-pain.  and in this instance, there certainly was a difference.  jiggah and i just weren't uber-close, though i definitely was sad and depressed that day he died. and for several days thereafter.)

but people-pain... yeah.  not so much.

my father-in-law was a fantastic man.  he loved me as though i was a daughter by birth.  and not only did he show me love in that way, he vocalized it to me.  over these last few years, given the state of my relationship with my own dad, i definitely felt a stronger bond with my FIL.  ironically, those were also the years he was much shorter with me in temperment!  i felt the love.  i mean.... you don't snap at the people you DON'T love, right?!  ain't that some shhhhhh....

here's something my brother-in-law wrote about my FIL:

In memory of Col. Herbert Hamako, a great American and a wonderful father-in-law. He was unjustly put in an internment camp as a child during WWII, yet loved his country and went on to serve a distinguished decades-long career in the US Air Force. Herb passed away this morning surrounded by his family. I'm grateful that my daughters got to spend so much time with him. We all will miss you, Herb.

ain't that some SERIOUS shhhhhhh....

my father-in-law passed away with all of his children surrounding him.  i've never experienced anything like it, yet to wonder if that happened to my own father right now, who would be there in that way?  the dedication my brother and sister-in-laws have shown throughout these 20 months has been something i can only wish for all dying members of our society.  the respect, the love, the faithfulness and dedication.  it was beautiful, however painful it may have been, up until his very last breath. the care my sister-in-laws provided those last few nights was top-notch, and always full of love regardless of how tired they were becoming.  on that last night i tried my best to get up for the hourly dispersion of medication, but i found myself only making it for every other, not even realizing there had been one in between.  i don't know how the girls did it.  they were amazing.

that last morning with my father in law was quite peaceful.  all his children and my mother-in-law sat or laid on the bed with him, holding his hand, stroking his face.  and the rest of us stood around them watching.  waiting.

when it happened all of our hearts must have skipped a beat.  i shook.  my legs just couldn't stop shaking, and the pure emotional pain of the end took over me.  my son put it best...

i don't know if i am more upset because my grandfather died or because my dad's dad died.

sitting in that room with all of these people you love, watching them suffer the loss of their husband or father, it makes it all the worse.  i cried for so many reasons that day, but mostly because i will truly miss him.  what an awesome human being.

*****

it's been almost a month since he has passed and life certainly has slowed down.  we miss him dearly and speak of him often around the house.  we are all looking forward to the spring/summer when all of the family can reunite to spread his ashes, and perhaps, smoke a cigar and drink some grand marnier in his memory.  i think he'd like that.

i also think he'd like the fact that my work sent me a bonsai tree in his memory, which the kids aptly named "HERBIE T 'MAKO"... after their "amazing grandpa." 

minted madness!

i am a sucker for good, quality christmas cards.  for the past three years i've used a wonderful company called minted.com.

they are awesome and the cards have an awesome weight to them.  never been disappointed and even if i was, i know i can count on minted to help a sistah out.

ANYWAY...

right now they are running a "refer a friend" deal...

http://www.minted.com/referral/landing/1wridf

i hate to just throw that embedded link out on my blog, but click it and head on over to minted.com.  you'll get $25 just for signing up!  one catch... minimum purchase of $30.  BUT, you can get some good quality classroom valentine's for just a little over that. 

DO IT!  what are you WAITING FORRRRRRRRRR?!?!?! 

run, don't walk....

by the way, they'll give YOU $25 for each referral that signs up for minted.com... up to 100 times over! 

my socks have officially been ROCKED!



i am in hysterics right now.  serious out loud hysterics.  a total laugh out loud moment.

i have sucked at blogging this summer.  i know i suck, i not only can visibly see that i suck, i also feel i suck.  but you know what doesn't suck?  the fact that i've had a zillion blog hits this summer.  i am totally digging that.  but can i tell you why i think i've had so many??

ok, FACT.  i don't think this, i know this.

crazy and amazingly awesome peeps are finding me via a google search for preying/praying mantis.  LUUUUUUUUURVE this!  how random that i blogged about it and even more random that people click my blog on the google search options for preying/praying mantis.  it makes me giggle.  more than giggle, in fact.  it's just so neat, this internet world of ours.  we are connected people, whether you like to think it or not --- people all over the world research the wonderful preying/praying mantis, not just the good ole U.S.A..  you never know where a "click" can take ya and where you'll find your next friend. 

so for all you crazy awesome preying/praying mantis fans......... WELCOME!

lucky girl.

i have a wonderful family.  i was born lucky like that.  not only was i born lucky like that, i birthed lucky like that.  double amazingness, i know.

my sweet, angelic, hysterically funny first born turned 9 last week.  as is common with his birthdays, he dreaded it.  honestly i think this came from having an older daycare provider when he was young.  she was also the funeral coordinator at the church.  do you realize just how many people die each week?  it's a sad, sad amount.  because so many people die each day, and because she was the funeral coordinator for the church, do you want to know how much talk of DEATH there was?  i never realized this until ethan got older.  as loving a woman as she was, i think she scared the ever loving shit out of my son. 

children are inquisitive little beings.  inquisitive and honest, both of which are beautiful qualities that led to emotional scarring.  at least, it did in this case. 

as much discussion as there was about death in that daycare she always told my son that the individual died from being old.

ding. freaking. ding.

my son doesn't want to get old because then you die.  if i turn another year older, i'm closer to death.

i get that logic, but damnit....................... birthdays are supposed to be happy.  not morbid.  every year, like clockwork my boy gets morbid.  this year he cried and cried and cried saying he was going to make an effort to get up early so he could be 8 for just a little longer.  he was born at 8:38am.  he was bound and determined this year to be up by 7am.  and damnit, he was.

knowing my sweet bambino would be upset that morning, while he slept i blew up thirty balloons and scattered them all across the floor of his room so they would greet him first thing.

by God it worked.

he was so happy and tickled pink that it was his big day.  there was no talk about the time, there was no talk about NOT wanting to turn nine.  all that we saw was that angelic smile he was born with nine years ago that day.  it was awesome.

he's had a rough summer.  his best friend (and cousin) moved to wisconsin.  his grandpa got very sick again.  his other grandpa got very sick again.  his dog is on his last legs (and even then it's only when they aren't slipping out from underneath of him.) --- it's been an emotionally charged summer, but only in the saddest of ways possible.  that entire week before and up to his birthday was nothing but one crying fest after another. 

and i can't say i blame him.

but fast forward three days past his birthday to his actual birthday party.  you wouldn't know there was anything wrong with my baby.  he was happy --- and doubly happy when he saw his best friend/cousin/wisconsinion show up for his party.  it was euphoric!

the party only consisted of members of his football team.  due to the mass amount of kids on his team, we requested no gifts.  people HOUND you about that, did you know that???  after learning lessons about true starvation this summer, ethan asked that if people insisted on bringing a gift, that it be a small cash donation so he can make his own contribution to the World Food Program.  honestly, this was his idea.

it was one of those moments in life that sorta takes your breath away from the sheer amazement of what just happened.  i cried.  i cried, i cried, i cried.  what a gem.

two hours of partying later and he had raised enough money to purchase 600 meals for people in Africa.  SIX HUNDRED MEALS!  he felt like a hero... his exact words.

thinking back to the lessons of this summer, while they hurt like hell, i truly love what they taught my son.  beyond what true starvation is, my son learned about the importance of supporting one another - that we can make a difference in this world through things both large and small.... and that sitting back waiting for others isn't the answer.

but can i share a little secret with you?  one of the children i was a nanny for just went off to college this year.  in fact, it was just last weekend.  she, too, wants to change the world, and i believe she's going to do it.  because of her belief in changing the world with education, my son realized he could help the people in Africa... it wasn't far fetched, or out of his reach.  because of her he came up with the idea of sending birthday money to Africa.  he didn't just have to think about the starvation, he knew he could take action and do something about it.  After all, Paige has made two trips to Kenya since January and raised enough money to board 18 students at the Royal Kids School in Mombasa.

THANK YOU PAIGE!  without your hard work with E3, my son wouldn't have made that connective step to helping others.  you inspired him. 

for those of you reading this today, please visit her website Global Paige and check out how awesome my baby girl is.  i've known her since she was 6 and couldn't be more proud of who she is today.  she truly is changing the world and blazing a path along the way.  a true inspiration!

summery love

yesterday i sat at work and noticed a huge preying mantis on my window.

he stayed there for 9 hours.

how is that fun?

how is that safe?

don't you get hungry?

it really made me wonder what these guys do for fun.

how do you live without fun?

i can't.

*****

is summer as busy in your neck of the woods as it is in mine?
because it is doggone ridiculous how little i time i have these days.

but catch this....

i have seriously been loving life.
and truly been out enjoying it.

life is so, so good.
for instance... the summer tomatoes around here have been top notch.
(and so have all the 'lopes!)

time out in the sun has been enjoyable, not just for the kids, but for me, too.
when's the last time that happened?  i mean, i actually caught a good tan this year.

five nights a week of football has been fun for all of us.
usually it doesn't take long for my kids to burn out.
but this year everyone finds something to enjoy about it.

life is good and plentiful.  so plentiful that i can't take a minute to jot down my thoughts, funny things, or entries about events in our lives.  it's just been that busy.  but isn't that a good thing?  because while i kind of love the concept of being able to hang out by myself on the outside of a window for nine hours, i truly can't imagine myself doing it.  i have figured out that i forget how to live a stagnant lifestyle. 

happy august, ya'll!  time sure does fly.

before i forget...

ah yes, alas there was one thing i earmarked for my return.

is it fully debut-on-my-two-month-return-worthy?

i don't know.

but it is awfully cute and easy.

i am a fan of canvas art.

particularly do-it-yourself-canvas-art.

so riddle myself in AWE when i didn't think of this before:

In My Own Style

yes, yes, this website totally rules.

so many amazing transformations and projects to melt into.

it's just awesome.

over the last two months it is the ONLY blog i found that captured my attention.

nevermind it may have been because it was the only one i had time to delve into and enjoy.

BUT I DID and I ENJOY IT!

and i suggest you run over there and enjoy it too!

(the post about their trip to the NJ shore includes pics of the house they stayed in, recently built by their friends.  i absolutely love, love, love that house!)

shameful.

i have been so neglectful of you, haven't i?

shhhhhhh.... no need to say it out loud.

i feel enough guilt on the inside that hearing it on the outside might just make me crumble.

do you know why i have such guilt?  i have slowed my roll on the fitness trail of glory because  i have sped up my roll on the sports-mama trail of glory.  non-stop kiddie activities, and yet i haven't been able to fit YOU, my beautiful awesome readers, back into my daily/weekly schedule.

while it's been a nice breather, my waistline is feeling the difference and i miss your virtual faces more than you can possibly imagine.

i would love to sit here and tell you about all the awesome new blogs i have found, designs i have landed upon, steals and deals i am dying to share, but in all honesty, i haven't had a chance to check out much on this glorious-seemingly-never-ending world wide web.  i have been in a bubble.  a sports and words-with-friends bubble.  living life as it's meant to be lived at that time.  i mean, i firmly believe it was a decision made by higher peeps that my life was as it was over the last two months. 

bizzay.

*****

tuesday we were blessed with a single-day visit from my little brother.

i love that little guy.

i mean...

grown adult.

so glad we were able to spend the day together.

he so totally rocks.

wish him luck on his 3-months in italy.

wish me luck on not being too jealous of his 3-months in italy.

*hmph*

one month.

tomorrow marks one month since my last entry.  it honestly feels like it was just yesterday.  life is moving at the speed of light.  i'm keeping up this time, but just not on here.  my head is above water in my real world.  my blog world, however, suffers.

i love putting pen to paper and jotting down happenings, thoughts, and findings... but lately it hasn't felt like a priority.  here's why...

i have given up late night blogging in exchange for 5:00am wake-up calls at the gym.  and it sucks just as much as it sounds like it does.  i totally swing the gym better in the evenings.... just like everyone else and their mother.  at 5pm working out becomes more frustrating than i need it to be, especially since i'm still trying to ingrain physical fitness into my core being.  that truly is my biggest challenge.  so to alleviate this challenge as best i can, i'm working out before the sun comes up.  it makes it all so much better and so much faster.  BOOYAH!

the best part of all of this robbing-paul-to-pay-peter-ish-type-of-thing-in-my-life, is that i don't have an ounce of blog guilt.  it has been worth the swap out... and yes, my pants are definitely starting to fit better.  it's pretty stinking awesome.

*****

you know what else is awesome?  that i went to the grocery store, checked out with a bill of $140, and only paid about $68 after all my savings/coupons.  anyone else doing the extreme couponing?  it's totally thrilling, exhilarating, rewarding, and a LOT of work!  totally worth every bead of sweat i put into sorting through coupons and doing price matching and list making.  but i'm not going to lie... these peeps make it muuuuuuch easier:

• Coupon Divas 
• I am That Lady
• Passion for Savings
• For the Mommas

... and i could go on and on and on.  they're everywhere!

oh my word(s)

Words have meaning. They can cut like a knife or make your heart all a-flutter. They have purpose and explain a lot about people. But like toothpaste, once it's out of the tube you can't put it back. Not easily, anyway.

Two years ago when I was going through very troublesome times at work, I found out just how much power certain words carry. Discrimination. Harrassment. Disgusting.

I make a point to teach my children good communication skills. Don't call something stupid - tell me what the problem is. There are many, many words that just aren't allowed in our house, mainly because I want my kids to choose the right words. Not the easy-to-reach words.

Just as I have worked with my children on their communication skills, I have also worked on the communication skills between my husband and I. We learned a lot though couple's counseling, but it has been over two years since we last went and it takes practice to keep up those good skills.

Saturday I watched my husband receive the fruit of his on-again-off-again-collegiate-schooling that started over twenty-three years ago. He received his BLS in History and it was a moment I will never forget in all my life. My children couldn't have been prouder. And neither could I. Upon finding us after graduation my man rolled me up into a tight squeeze and whispered the following: "I love you. Thank you. I will never forget this - never. Thank you so much."

It was perfect and spoke volumes. Never over these past two and a half years did I feel I needed acknowledgment for my support, however when he said those words to me, it felt unbelievable. He loves me.
He appreciates me. We did this together. It was an unbelievable realization that we met our goal. We made it to not just A goal, but a MAJOR goal in our entire family's life. God, it felt good. And I turned into a puddle. The emotions overcame me and I broke into tears. I love this man. I am proud of this man. I am so blessed to share a life with him.

University of Mary Washington

Class of 2011

100th Graduation Commencement

See that little Flip in Ethan's hand?

You should see the video on it.

It is apparent that my little man was cheering on his daddy.

{The video was all over the place!} 

My sister was able to hand him his diploma.

This was the first time I started to lose my ability to stay calm.

Her co-worker was gracious enough to take pics from this vantage point.

I love it.

Now this is where I really lost it.

And where my sister lost it.

And where my mother-in-law lost it....

... and where Ethan lost it.

He was so proud of his dad.

SO PROUD.

I couldn't recover from this.

My son is sensitive, but he not only cries from joy, he can communicate his joy in words.

I was doubley-proud.

 

Five hours in the sun later, and about five minutes of hard crying, I looked like this.

Not the best, but I couldn't care less.

It was a great day.

A proud day.

And I'm so glad to have a picture of all of us together.

I tell my kids that they need to live a proud life. 

My husband is living by example.
Lead by leading.

This is just the end of the beginning.

We still have another nine months of working through the next phase.

Regardless of that, this was a monumental day.

It was the day my husband felt he had completed something.

He taught my children more than he realizes by getting his degree.  I am so grateful they are old enough to understand the pomp and circumstance of what they witnessed that day.

I just hope it sticks for another ten or so years!

in the name of love....

two and a half years ago my husband lost his job.  two and a half years ago we thought our marriage was on the brink of self-destruction.  two and a half years ago we made the choice to make our life better.  together.

through a bit of couple's counseling and a lot of faith, we have landed ourselves two and a half years from that horrible time in our lives.  together.

it was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but two and a half years ago we were far from happy, far from focused, and far from communicative.

today we are strong.

today we are communicative.

today we are hopeful.

when chris lost his job my world felt vacant.  i felt like we were going down this spiral to nothingness.  i was scared, angry, and at times, complacent.  complacency is a dangerous place to be.  it often lead to hopelessness.  we had to refocus ourselves on the positive.  it felt nearly impossible, but as soon as we swung that pendulum the other direction, we really liked it there better.  it never felt like we were fooling ourselves, nor did it feel like we were alone.  having emotional support from your friends and family makes an entire world of difference.  but because it felt so awesome staying positive, we chose to start living that way full-time.

let me take you back to a blog entry from 2008.... this was emma's last day of pre-school.  it was the day i broke down in front of all her friends and teachers in sobs because i felt so helpless.  i was scared.  i was sad.  i ran to the back of the school and curled into a ball sobbing.  with chris loosing his job three weeks prior, this was not just her 5th birthday celebration, it was also her last day of school.  i was so devastated to take her away from all of her friends.  this was the child i was so afraid to leave behind at school, yet, at school she absolutely thrived.  she was confident.  she was a new emma.  i had such guilt and that day stands out as the clinching moment when i honestly felt my world was falling apart.

but it didn't.  i'm here.  we're here.  stronger, happier, and smarter.

smarter?

yes, smarter.

over these two and a half years chris has gone to University of Mary Washington to get his degree in History.  and tomorrow..... he will walk across that stage to receive his degree from my sister {dre anthes}.  i can't tell you how proud i am of this accomplishment.  it feels like we are closing the chapter on this adventure.  while we aren't {since he still has to go through his teaching certification}, i am at peace knowing this time away from work has made him stronger -- knowledge wise, emotionally wise, confidence wise.  we chose to do something and, i feel, made lemonade from those lemons.  that has been a goal of this blog since day 1.  well, almost day 1. 

i have so many different emotions running through me tonight, pride and love at the top of them.  it hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth it.  when he walks across that stage tomorrow i fully anticipate being in tears.  i just love him so much and am prouder of this moment for him than when it was my own in 2002.  so think of me tomorrow around 10:45am and hope i remembered to bring my tissues. 

also hope my three kids don't burn out and steal this moment from me -  

you know how they roll.

my mr. wonderful

*gasp* *tear* *gulp*

so picture this... your youngest child, the last baby you'll ever have, the one that calls you Old Ladypants wakes up one day and by the grace of God has turned five years old.  that is hard to swallow.  not because you're mad-sad, but you are shocked-sad.

how did this happen so quickly?  just yesterday i nursed her to sleep.  just yesterday i had to change that poo-tanky diaper.  or remember all those cute lil sophie videos?  be still my heart.

{it is breaking.}

i found my inspiration for her birthday party over at One Charming Party {i so love that site} - full of inspiration, motivation, and perfection.  sophie's fifth birthday felt like it was off the chain.

here's the proof:

• balloons from

Bake It Pretty

one suggestion though...

rent a helium tank and bring it to YOU.

we {my sister} had quite the snafu getting these suckers home.

there are still two giant blown up blue ones at Party City if anyone has a box truck to bring them home.  tell 'em i sent ya.

 cupcakes courtesy of...

myself.

oh yeah.  i created magic this day.

• adorable pedestal frames to feature the birthday girl from

Marshall's.

 

• containers from Think Garnish.

• labels from One Charming Party {free!!}

• i bought this bead kit from AC Moore on sale for $8.

it took me eight hours to make fourteen bracelets.

and because i'm nice like this, i totally put a knot in between each and every bead.

you know you hate it when a bracelet explodes on you.

 these are my finished products.

• i got the ice-cream/Popsicle charms from this awesome lady over on etsy.

• scented ice-cream bubbles found at AC Moore.

but, after several trips to different places i also landed upon smaller versions of these at the Dollar Tree -- a pack of 4 for a $1, vice the above version which cost $1 per piece.

•  i also landed upon these fabulous ice-cream marshmallows at the Dollar Tree.

super cute and uber popular with the wee ones.

 this is the moment when i choked up just a bit.

that smile will own my ass forever.

 the only thing i can suggest to you, should you ever attempt this, is to enlist the help of several others in a WAY more organized fashion to hand out the ice cream to 14 children.

not only do you feel a bit suffocated, they rush the pants off of you.

i'm not going to lie... i was sweating from all the pressure.

you would too.

here's the birthday oldladypants.

it just ain't right.

not only is she huge, she's in love with justin bieber.

she is way beyond her years.

and i can hear you all now...

"just you wait!"

happy birthday, sophers!  you are so sophilicious, it kills me.

xoxo,

mommy

o, btw...

i am co-hosting a Royal Wedding Party tomorrow.

eat your hearts out.

or join me in spirit!

it will be fabulous, i can assure you.

if you have time on your hands and are looking to plan a party,

head on over to TomKat Studios for some free

R O Y A L   W E D D I N G

printables.

oh yeah baby, that's right.

FREE.

i printed them all and will be celebrating beginning at 5:30am EST.  EDT?  whatev time.

i'm proud to announce my coworkers have agreed to meet up at work beginning at 5:30am for food and royal festivities.  

i'll be bringing the wedding cupcakes and tons of wedding excitement.

{it's ok to be excited.  i mean, it's like a real life fairytale, except for the see-through-dress she wore.  what was she thinking?}

i honestly am in love with this princess-to-be.

her hair is to die for.

*sigh*

and yes, that's about all it's going to take to convince me she'll be an amazing princess.

{because fairytales aren't real, it's ok for me to also be shallow.}

thank you TomKat for hookin' a sistah' up!