knobby knobs

i put my two year old's hair up in two knobby knobs... you know, the almost-pony-tails that you just leave as knobs. for some reason it melts my heart. she has an extremely round face, these harsh dark bangs, and adding these knobby knobs, well... softens her appearance. and personality. my two year old acts like she's two. so currently we're add odds 100% of the time. these two little knobby knobs remind me that she's still my little baby and not full of meanness even though it's what she exudes 100% of the time. she can't help that she's 2! right?

thank you knobby knobs.

you gave me the ability to remember her innocent cuteness.

snow day.

ok, so i'm not a stay at home mom. sometimes i wish i could, but i would be lying if i told you i only did it on the days were there was lots of dishes and laundry to be had. conveniently i get that feeling when there is a snow day. when i am THE only one that has to drag her sorry butt out of the warm and snuggly bed across the freezing cold tundra of my bedroom to the shower.

*sigh*

so we had our first snow day of the year this week. ok, so i know it was ridiculous given the fact that there was less than 2 inches of snow on the ground and i've had the opportunity in the past to live in connecticut where even with 36 inches of snow on the ground YOU GO TO SCHOOL. buses put chains on their wheels, and, well... case closed. (and yes little Sascha Obama, you were right... in CT not only would we have gone to school, we would've had recess in this weather, too!)

as a kid i loved snow days. NO SCHOOL! sleeping in, snacking all day long, tv on 24-7... and if i really wanted to take advantage of the day i didn't even have to brush my teeth if i didn't want to. but never, never EVER did i appreciate snow days for what they were. days to play in the snow.

in college i took a snowboarding class and really REALLY fell in love with the sport. but as some of you may recall, i got pregnant while finishing college and, well, never got the chance to really get into snow sports.

{and that's ok because this isn't about self-pity}

do you remember getting dressed in all sorts of layers with mittens on strings and itchy wooly hats? you know you do... because CERTAINLY i wasn't the only one with a mother concerned about me freezing but never really thinking about my level of comfort.

{but as a woman, i should be used to this concept, right?

i mean, two words for you... high heels.}

i really don't remember enjoying the snow that much, but my memories are going to be different from my mom's, i'm sure of it. now...all these years later...i was excited. i had three kids to get bundled up in long johns, snow pants, mittens on strings, and itchy wooly hats. only, the long johns were tights, the snow pants were still snow pants, the mittens on strings were mittens NOT on strings {oh how i wished they were on strings}, and the itchy wooly hats were now made of fleece. {why didn't they have fleece in the 70's?} but i wasn't the least bit discouraged and thankfully {which this is the only time i can say this} at least one of them was in diapers, meaning, that was one less i was going to have to frantically strip out of 5 layers of clothing for a last minute potty decision.

all of this for... say it with me...

less than 2 inches of snow.

maybe the snow day wasn't really about the snow, as much as it was the opportunity to relive my youth through my kids. and maybe, probably maybe, it was the mental relief i needed from the past two weeks of professional anguish i was going through away from home. but i needed it. and not that i even got to participate in all of the day's activities, but i did get to use my lunch hour that day watching my kids have the time of their lives.

this particular snow day was monumental for one main reason... it snapped me back out of the stress that exists as work. did you know my kids think i'm funny? did you know i now reMEMber my kids think i'm funny? i had forgotten how theraputic laughter really is. i'm not saying my kids didn't stress me out this week, but i was better equipped to handle it all because i had the joy and gift of laughter back in my life...

all thanks to my children.

and a snow day.

my chillens and the neighbor's chillens.

favorite picture of the day.

E

Em

Sophie

i fall in love with them all over sometimes.

it does not define me

"Being happy right now doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you choose to look beyond the imperfections."

~Anonymous

I posted that quote on my facebook page. Yes, I have a facebook page. Yes, I love my facebook page. Yes, I'm addicted to my facebook page.

Someone asked me how it was humanly possible to look beyond imperfections.

I can't say I don't see my own imperfections or anyone else's for that matter. I can say, however, that I don't let those imperfections define me. THAT is how I can be happy. Once you let those imperfections define you, you have lost the battle of happiness.

I am not perfect. I am not a knowlegable genious. I am not the strongest person alive. I am not completely unselfish. I am not, not, not perfect.

Nobody is perfect.

{even though people think they are, it's just not possible}

I've had such a difficult week this week. Thankfully it has nothing to do with my awesome little family. I've had to deal with significant personnel issues at work this week, but that's not really here nor there. Well, actually it kind of is. You see, some of these issues would never have happened if people chose to live by the aforementioned quote in this post. When you choose to focus on the little imperfections, they tend to become big imperfections and that then changes your perception of reality. Which can be dangerous. And time-wasting. And lead to needless, and seemingly endless hostility and dramatics.

But even understanding and living by the aforementioned quote in this post does not make you perfect. Understanding the meaning and intent of that quote does NOT mean you are perfect. But if you live by it, you try to live a more perfect life, and isn't that what it's about? I'm good with life not being perfect. I mean, look at last year... I've learned to live with an imperfect life, but it doesn't define us. How we rebound and move forward will define our history. My little family's history. And I owe my children the best history they can tell their own children about one day.

This post makes me sad because I am reliving a lot of this past work week. It was tough. It was sad. It was sad. And I can't believe the way things all unfolded. But I have done the best to deal with it in a professional manner, which unfortunately was viewed as an ice-cold manner, but you know what? It was a lose-lose situation. No matter what, I was going to be the scapegoat. And no matter what, I was going to be served a nice heaping serving of attitude. So I did it in the most non-confrontational way I could. Because this doesn't define me. In my career this will not define me. And in my history, I will remember how I handled things and be proud of such. Because this will be one of those imperfections that I look beyond so I can be happy. I want to be happy. Some people think they want to be happy, but then... does that get you attention? I don't want attention. {anyone remember why I did NOT have a wedding?!}

I just want happiness.

personal responsibility.

how do you teach grown adults the art of

personal responsibility?

{i say "art" because once you become an adult and you have to learn certain things, it has to be called an "art" because it's not inherent in nature to you.}

i do my best, as a mom, to teach my kids that, when they choose to do something where they don't like the results, that they cannot blame their mother {little old me} for letting them do it in the first place. when they yell at me because they just got in trouble and are sentenced to time-out, who is it that is REALLY at fault? who's fault is it that they are in time-out?

being a parent is tricky. it is so tricky. you have to be consistent and you have to be smart. it's tough to know if you're doing the right thing because so often we have to do things in the blink of an eye. but i know i'm doing the best i can, regardless of whether or not it breaks my heart to see my child sob his sobs. i'd be doing him an injustice by switching up my decision because he's on my lap sobbing, apologizing, and degrading himself. and that's tricky. because it hurts. and not that i like rubbing things in his face, or the all the "i told you so's" i hear racking through my brain, but it is important to teach them personal responsibility.

i'm doing the right thing. and you know how i know this? because i don't enjoy dealing with grown adults that have no sense of personal responsibility. you can spoil kids in more ways than materialistic means. i know this because i deal with grown adults that have no sense of personal responsibility. no real moral compass. just a sense of entitlement.

i wanted to be a mom as far back as i can remember. i wanted to have cute little babies i could dress up and show off. i wanted to do the mommy-and-me classes. i wanted to see my children graduate college. my lord, i wanted grandbabies. and in all of that thinking {all of those awesome and grown-up thoughts} never did i take a moment and think, "gee, this is going to be complicated. because to get my children to graduate college they have to not only graduate high school and take S.A.T.s, but they have to be accepted to colleges. they have to be responsible enough to not just want to go to college, but walk the walk that will get them to college, which can very well back-up all the way to their infancy when i had to decide whether or not to let them "cry it out" in the middle of the night."

ugh.


see? it's tricky. so, so tricky.


you really think you know it all when you're young. you really think you can handle everything life throws at you. and we do. i know we all do in some form or fashion. but can't we always be a little more prepared for things in life, sometimes? why wouldn't i have given honest thought to what kind of a child i want to raise? these snap decision kind of deals would've been great to have thought about before having kids. baby rearing is serious business. it is. but i can't really think about the shoulda's because, really, what's the point? i have to know that i will continue to do what i think is important to help raise wonderfully well-rounded peas. three of them. and personal responsibility is definitely part of that.


for example...


many of you know that my five-year old requested i cut her some bangs. now, i have never been a fan of bangs much, but she was five. and since i can remember being five and also remember how i wasn't allowed to make decisions, i figured i should allow emma this one. {because as you know, if she wanted bangs, she was probably going to go about her methods of obtaining them, aka this, and this, and this.} she knew i didn't want to cut her hair. and she honestly thought she knew better {and who knows, in the future, she really could know better than me, i will fully admit to that now}. until the hair fell to the floor. and then she looked in the mirror. and then she asked me to pull them all the way back. and then off. she wanted me to cut them off. i never EVER said "i told you so" but through her tears she was able to mutter "you were right, mom." {check one for mom} she knew it was her own decision to have bangs. she didn't yell at me or cry for long. but it is now her own decision to grow them back out. *pride*tears*

personal responsibility. i'm kind of a fan.

{wasn't there a book about all a person needs to know in life they learned in kindergarten? i bet it included personal responsibility.}

burrrrr

it is cold this morning
i sit here typing and i can feel my pointer finger start to get numb.
we have a doggy door.
the doggy door is to my back.
in front of my back is my pointer finger.
it is so stinking cold.

i know some areas of the country are well below zero degrees. where we live in virginia it is currently resting at zero. zero is pretty darn cold. especially when you have a doggy door.

but if i didn't have a doggy door, how would my dog have free reign of his world?

so i have cold toes, a cold nose, and numb fingers.
but at least the dog feels free.

wait a minute. i also have a high electric bill.

hmmmm, rethinking doggy freedom...