sometimes it's right under your nose

we had overly warm weather over the christmas holiday. completely 100% unseasonably warm weather. we had several no-coat days.

did you know that sometimes if you stop and just focus on the here and now that you might be rewarded with a vision of what true beauty really is?

recently on a no-coat day my girls were out in the front ditch. the wet and leafy front ditch. the wet and leafy front ditch that would make them dirty.

does it look like they care if they got dirty?

did you know dirt was harmless? did you know it could also provide for
an
amazing
MEMORY?

these pictures of my girls make me happy. living in that moment and being able to think back so fondly of this exact moment makes me happy.

i am lucky.
i lived in this moment.
i felt this moment.
and then i did laundry.
{happily.}

potty pricelessness

i've birthed three children, two of which have already gone through potty training. the last of this adorable brood has yet to decide she is ready for big girl-dom. you see...she thinks she's a princess. she also thinks she's a baby. i guess that's what happens when her mommy continually picks her up, squeezes her cheeks, and with all sorts of sweet and sugary tones calls her my "babee, babee, babeeeeeeee!" so part of the problem with her is me. i know that. i'm saying it out loud.

i baby my baby.

{Note: you never fully understand what it's like to have your LAST child until you do it. then you know why the baby of the family is always "the baby"}

my baby is 2 1/2. well, 2 years and 8 1/2 months, so what's that, 2 3/4 yrs? regardless, i think it's too old for her to be peeing in the diaper. she knows when she has to go. she hates her wet diaper. she used to go all day long on the potty for the babysitter. for G's sake she even sits on the potty up until the very second she feels that wave of "oh my, here it comes" {followed by a scream, cry, clench, and jump off the potty}. the girl knows how to use the potty.

in a desperate clench of hope i purchased a beautiful pink potty for her. PINK. like pink as in, PRINCESS pink. the first 2 hours she was on and off that thing constantly. she was in l-o-v-e with her pink potty. i gave her big props for getting on and off of it frequently for the first 3 days. and then... well... it just got to be ridiculous. she would get OFF the potty to pee in her diaper. isn't this reversed training? {i once had a ridiculously not-so-smart beagle puppy who would tell me she had to go outside to pee, would go outside to pee, would stay outside to pee, would never pee, would go inside to pee} enough was enough! if she loved this potty so much CERTAINLY she would hate for me to give it away to someone else who would take it more seriously and treat the potty like it wanted to be treated. {with urine.}

i got to the point where i told her i was going to give it to the neighbor's son. yes, a BOY. wouldn't that SHOCK her? well, truth be told, it did. the first time. she got right back on the potty and pushed as hard as she could, but nothing. i still gave her big kudos for trying her best because she understood the threat.

the next day my 2 3/4 year old little girl got a little smarter. seriously, the very next day. not only was she not intimidated by my threat, she actually told me to "go ahead and give it to him because he probably would really like it. because it was pink." how did she knooooow? {fist striking the air!} how on earth did she learn my tricks? she knew i, too, was in love with this pink potty. you know, what, with me constantly going by the bathroom saying...

"Wow, that pink potty is HOT!

It looks so good when you sit on it.

And it matches our bathroom!

It is the best looking potty on the PLANET!

YOU ARE SO LUCKY!"

she knew i loved that potty {and truthfully, it did look good in the girly bathroom} and she used that against me. she worked me over. right. in front. of my. eyes.

the moral of this story? two year olds are brilliant and will make you look like a fool when given the opportunity. or, they are totally sponges at this stage and not only learn simple things like colors or shapes, but they also are REALLY good at picking up the tricks of the trade when it comes to manipulation. it's an art. consider my 2 year old Picasso. the Picasso of manipulation.

{because i'll be the first to admit ... she's still in a diaper}

have you ever thought about what it means to be happy? what it would take to really make you happy? truly, unadulteratedly, unabashedly, blissfully, intoxicatingly happy? does it seem intangible? overwhelming? unrealistic?



sometimes it just is so intimidating to think about what it would take to make you happy. but with all things, isn't it easier to think about it all in b a b y s t e p s?

my children make me happy.

happy children make me even happier.

is this why some people revolve their lives completely around their children?

the holidays have wore. me. out. i am one tired lady. {although, i can't call myself "lady" in front of my kids because it makes them sad to think of me as "old" -- and then it leads into a conversation about what happens when we die -- which leads to tears -- and then that doesn't really make me happy.} it goes to show you what the pre-holiday feeling of joy does to me. it gives me energy. it gives me pep.

i'm currently pepless.

i try to do a lot for others because it honestly makes me happy to do so. i like making other people's lives easier. really. i do. it's one of those selfish qualities that my husband is kind of automatically involved with since he is my husband, naturally. i'm not patting my back here. i'm really venting. because i'm tired. never in a million years would i change the way i operate my life. i really do this because of how it makes me feel. and then afterwards i crash. and sometimes to the detriment of my own little immediate family life. but at the same time, they all got something out of it too {like more time with their cousins, or a chance to stay up late with a house full of aunts, uncles, grandparents, or life lessons in general}.

i'm happy.

tired happy.

but happy.

so after writing this entry i've realized what it is that i'm truly after right now to reach that high level of true, unadulterated, unabashed, blissful, and intoxicating happiness.

s.l.e.e.p.

new year, new projects

so i've got a project i'm gearing up to complete. i'll post pictures of that soon enough. in the meantime i just found my next one... if only i had all of my days to sit and live out all of my wildest project fantasies... i'd be one happy momma.

oo. oo. here's another... and if anyone ever wants to know what they can give me as a gift... it's time. that's it. i try not to ask for much. ;)

2008. 2009.

and i say GOOD RIDDINS to 2008 as I wholeheartedly welcome 2009.

since i've been a grown-up i've never had a year that has brought such a huge amount of tears as 2008 did. i won't say they were all negative. {i did welcome two beautiful nieces this year, afterall, not to mention me falling in love all over again with my beau}... but the heartache and pain of a spouse losing his job during a falling economy at Christmas time is enough to make you cry yourself to sleep for weeks on end.
i am lucky to have a family that i not only love, but i LIKE. when you like people, you tend to talk to them more often and they have the ability to support you and provide that support on a more frequent basis. frequency. that is a huge part of keeping the up with the momentum of positive thinking and living. and for frequency, i am blessed.

i had a lot to learn this year, and most of it faced me head-on in just these last few months of the year. i had to learn patience. i had to learn i can't control everything in life. i had to learn how to turn lemons into lemonade. i had to learn how to slow down so i can smell the roses, versus seeing them out of my peripheral. those are lots of lessons to learn and live, but i'm proud to say, i've done it better than i thought i was capable of doing.

but as much as i've had one heckuva year, i know there are so many others out there that have had it much worse than me and my little family of 5. nienie, my sister-in-law's family... i could really go on and on. but i have begun learning from stories like nie's or the Masoudis' -- learning how to be a better mother to my children because some things are just so trivial when compared to things that CAN happen. because, lest we forget, we are not in control of this life. there is some awesome big guy upstairs that has a plan for each of us and even though i may think i am in control of this life, i am far, far from it. nie has taught me how cherish my children for what they are. children. they are children. they are not small adults... just children. glorious, beautiful, wondrous, proFOUND children. finding her blog was purely accidental on my part but it was completely intentional on the part of God. wow. would you look at that? some amazing woman in mesa that i have never met, seen, or heard of, literally lands right under my nose and on my laptop one day. and since that day, i have developed an understanding of what kind of a mother i want to be. one a lot like nie.

this year was the year i turned that dreadful 30 years of age. this year was the year my two year old decided she was going to be the girliest girly-girl on the face of this planet. this year was the year my son left me with the lasting "vegetarian" memory {he witnessed me and his father arguing about something and became very concerned... to the point of tears. we explained that sometimes people have different opinions and points of view about things... his response? "ooooooHHHHHHH...like being a vegetarrrrrrrriannnnnnnn."} .... and my five year old, well, wow. what can i say other than... she has proved herself as mommy's biggest helper, and one that doesn't complain when doing so. i can't even put a price on that.


i am so thankful for my three little peas that have the knack for making me laugh unexpectedly and unintentionally when i'm on the verge of tears. as painfully tiring as this job may be, the fruits of my labor(s) continue to prove their worth in silver, gold, and some diamonds, too.

my point in relaying some of the highlights of 2008 were so i can put the lowlights behind me. the low were low and in 2009 all i can hope for are better lowlights, more highlights, and better lives for people like the Nielsons and Masoudis who desperately deserve so.


and i have a promise for my little family of 5 for this new year... i promise to enjoy you. top to bottom. inside and out. you will be my lemonade, my roses, and forever my purpose.

POST EDIT: 7 NOV 09...

What a difference a year makes.  If only I had known.... 2009 blew 2008 out of the water, as far as bad years go.  You just never know and you should never speak too soon.  I will take this great wealth of knowledge from first hand experience into 2010 with me and can only HOPE I don't get too cocky with my "worst year ever" comments.  Focus on the positives.  Eliminate the negatives.  Latch onto the affirmatives, don't mess with Mr. In-Between.